A Different Kind of Job Search

What if instead of killing ourselves trying to figure out if we were showing up as the person we WANTED them to be (in order to, what, trick them into hiring us?) we practiced showing up over and over again in interviews as exactly who we ARE.

So many women struggle with imposter syndrome, and could part of the reason be that we're taught that in cover letters and interviews we are supposed to present ourselves in a "certain" way? And then once we start the job we're faced with the reality that they hired a performance we put on, instead of who we actually are?

I always like to think of job searching as, basically, online dating (it totally is! Stick with me here).

In online dating, you look at a profile that shows you a little tiny bit about another human. You "swipe right" or let them know you're interested and now they can see a profile that shows you a tiny little bit about you.

If it looks to both of you like you'd be a good fit, you schedule a first date.

Then, if you really like the first date, you might start "dating" right away or you might "talk" a few more times before you decide to enter a commitment.

Most of us empowered women are on the same page now about dating. If you put fake shit in your profile and then act fake on your first date, the best-case scenario is you end up in a relationship that's totally wrong for you.

SO WHY DO WE STILL PUT ON A CHARACTER FOR JOB SEARCHING?

Because we've been taught that we need to show up "professionally" and that hiring managers are looking for certain "qualities".

Well, ladies, it wasn't so long ago that we were told the same thing about men (assuming you'd prefer a romantic partnership with a man, that is_.

We've lived. We've learned. We've evolved.

It's time to take that newfound knowledge out of the bedroom and into the interview room.

Here are a few ways you can show up more authentically in your job search, so you know when you get hired that they want YOU. Exactly how you are.

1. It starts with the cover letter. A) Write one. If you're not doing this you're missing a key opportunity to let them see who you actually are, because a resume only can do so much. B) Write it in your own voice. The one you would use if you were talking to a beloved mentor, or a boss who totally got you.

   The mantra here is not "I want them to like me". The mantra is "I want them to be totally clear on whether or not they want to talk to me."

2. Stay calm in the interview. I know, easier said than done. Interviews are scary and stressful. Use EVERY tool in your tool box to help you stay calm and relaxed. Meditate. Do some yoga. Listen to your affirmations. Call your hype girl. Whatever it takes to help you get closer and closer to calm. It may take some practice, but it gets easier.

3. Let YOU shine through. When you're feeling calm your actual personality can show and shine in the interview, instead of the character you put on that acts exactly how you think they want you to act. Remember, it's just a first date. If you act like someone you're not, then they can't decide if they actually like you for YOU.

4. Look for what YOU want. Just like on a first date, you're interviewing them too. When you're feeling calm and grounded it becomes a million times easier to tune in to your intuition and notice red flags when they pop up. Remember to trust them when they show you who they are. If they make you jump through stupid hoops in the interview process, chances are they won't stop once you're hired.

   I feel like I could go on and on and on here, so maybe I should turn this into a podcast episode or something. I hope you see where this is going, though. The key to creating a work life, and a work-life-balance that you feel great about is ditching the performance of how you think you "should" be showing up and being honest from the get-go about who you really are.

   I know it can feel scary, even sometimes impossible, and that's why I make it my whole business to support women through the process of doing this work and making these changes. You can set up a free strategy session with me today to find out more about how I can help you fast-track your way to the life you've been dreaming of.

   Click Here to schedule your free call!

How to challenge your thoughts

I have a tendency to pack my plate (my metaphorical plate, my schedule, is what I mean here. Although if you've ever seen me at a buffet, I will pack my literal plate also) with lots of things.

I love to create ideas. I have GREAT ideas and I love to think up new ones. I love to say YES to opportunities that sound fun and challenging.

And I often get stuck in a cycle repeating the same actions: 1. I create and say yes to lots of fun opportunities 2. I try to do everything at once 3. I start getting tired. Burned out. Overwhelmed 4. I quit everything and start the cycle over again.

And I have a thought about this, when I'm in the cycle. The thought goes something like "I struggle to find balance."

This is a thought I've accepted as truth about myself for a long time. I've accepted it as part of my personality. But it's not necessarily true - just a thought. ( I bet you have thoughts like that too!)

How do I mean? Well, for that thought to be true, there'd have to be an actual, irrefutable point of "balance". And there's simply not.

Trying to find the point of "balance" in a human life is like trying to find the ideal level of a flowing river. It's something you might arrive at for a moment, but it can't be maintained for long periods of time. Sometimes the river will run low. Sometimes it will overflow it's banks. And normally it will be at some level in between those two points, and occasionally it will, for a matter of moments or maybe days, be at it's "balanced" point.

My human life is like a flowing river. Expecting myself to find and maintain balance is pretty unreasonable.

Photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash

So today I found an accessible new thought to try on (what? You can just try on thoughts? Like trying on outfits? Yup. Yes you can!)

The new thought goes something like this: I am under no obligation to anyone, not even to myself, to do everything I can do or everything I want to do. I am still enough, even if I don't complete every project, say yes to every opportunity, and execute every plan.

I like this new thought because it's objectively true. I won't be attacked by some cosmic judge for ordering takeout instead of meal prepping every night. My husband won't leave me because I didn't get the laundry folded. And my friends won't hate me forever if I back out of a plan last minute.

Because sometimes I have all the energy and I want to do all the things. And sometimes I do not want to do any of the things. And most often, I fall somewhere in between.

It feels rebellious to my perfectionist-programmed brain, but I can recognize it as logically true. So that's helpful.

I think it's a good practice to look at your thoughts, even the thoughts you've held for years and years and accepted as just "part of who you are" and then decide a) whether you believe them, b) whether you want to believe them and then c) what a new, better-feeling thought might be.

For the Love of Sleep, Stop Snoozing!

You go to bed. You sleep. And then, some designated amount of time later, your alarm goes off. 

What do you do? 

Is it:

A) get right up and start your day with a smile?

B) Hit the snooze button once and stretch gently before getting up out of bed

C) Hit the snooze button every 5 minutes before eventually dragging yourself out of bed an hour later. 

For many of us (including my beloved husband), the answer is C. 

Today, I will explain to you why this is the WORST answer and give you some tips to wake up with more energy every day!

The part you already know:

We, as a society, are not getting enough sleep. One result of the social patterns and work norms that dictate our lives is that we often stay up later and wake up earlier than we would if we let our own biological systems dictate or sleeping hours. Often we are too stressed to fall asleep easily and sleep deeply. 

This is probably very frustrating for you. I know it is for me. I mean, adulting is hard but I would have thought I’d be able to figure out how to sleep correctly at least. 

The part you might not know: 

Our bodies have systems built into them to help us wake up each morning. Every morning your body starts the wake-up process gradually about 2 hours before you’re ready to get out of bed. Think of it as a machine that’s slowly coming back online. The engines are heating up, the systems are rebooting. It takes a while. 

When it all goes well we wake up feeling refreshed and ready to go, like on a weekend day when you get to sleep in until you awake naturally. (Sorry, parents of young children. You may not remember this one!)

Because we’re not allowing ourselves enough sleep, though, we often set our alarms to go off in the middle of this gradual wake-up process, or often before it’s even started. This is why we wake up so groggy! 

If you hit snooze now, not having gotten enough sleep, you’re likely to fall right back asleep and start a new sleep cycle. When the alarm goes off again your sleep cycle has just begun, and, as luck would have it, this is the WORST time for you to wake up. 

Waking up during the first few minutes of a sleep cycle can trigger something called “sleep inertia”, which is that fuzzy, groggy feeling that makes you feel like you want to go right back to bed, or lay down on the couch for a while. 

That means that hitting your snooze button, for most people, is actually making you MORE TIRED!

What you can do instead:

1. Set your alarm for the latest possible time you can wake up for the day. If you don’t have time to snooze, you’ll need to wake up when the alarm goes off. You might still feel sleepy if you’re not getting enough sleep in general, but waking up at this same time every day will help your body adjust so that it starts naturally getting tired at the right time every evening. Basically, stop fooling yourself with that snooze button, and just set the alarm later!

2. If your alarm goes off and you are just not done sleeping, set a new alarm for 20-30 minutes from now instead of hitting snooze. This gives you a longer time in that sleep cycle so that you won’t suffer from sleep inertia when you wake up, instead of waking up 3-5 more times in the next half hour each time your alarm goes back off. This way actually gives you a meaningful amount of extra sleep, about as much as a power nap.

3. Take an “active snooze” and use that extra ten minutes to kick-start your body’s natural wake-up process. A few minutes of gentle stretching, meditation, or journaling can give you some breathing room and let your body wake up slowly. When your alarm goes off the second time, you won’t have fallen back to sleep and will feel more awake and ready to start your day.

Pick one of these strategies to try this week, and see how your days begin to start with more energy and less brain fog! You’ll have more energy throughout your day, and your body’s sleep cycle will begin to regulate itself to make your sleep better and better over time.

Interested in making more small tweaks that lead to BIG results in your energy levels throughout the week? Click here to set up a free activation call, and we’ll get you started!

3 Reasons to Keep Breakfast "Boring"

I’m a morning person by decision, not by design. I’m familiar with the “no time for breakfast” quandary, and in my past (and, tbh, my present) have been guilty of skipping breakfast for a variety of reasons. 

What’s helped? Having a go-to breakfast that I eat mostly every day. 

Keep reading to learn how creating a nutritious, go-to breakfast option can save you time, money, and sanity while helping you enjoy health and happiness throughout your day!

Eating the same breakfast every day saves you time!

One of the strongest tools in your wellness toolbox is meal prepping. But OH MY GOSH it can be so overwhelming! I can barely even decide where I want to go out for dinner, let alone decide my meals for the WHOLE WEEK ahead of time. Meal planning and prepping has always been hard for me. I sit down with a notebook and immediately every food I’ve ever liked disappears out of my brain. 

Have you had that experience?

Having a go-to breakfast means that at least one of my meals each day is already planned. I don’t have to think about it. My meal plan becomes less of a blank slate and more of a sudoku puzzle. This saves me time each week planning my meals, as well as the time each day when I’d otherwise be trying to decide what I wanted for breakfast. 

Eating the same breakfast every day saves you money!

I also save a ton of money on groceries and eating out when I use a go-to breakfast. 

Often, a meal plan with lots of different recipes leaves me needing lots of different ingredients, some of which sit in my fridge and slowly go stale or rotten after I’ve made the meal once. There are several ways around this problem, but one is to eat the same thing several times that week. This way you can buy what you need and use it up over the week making the same thing over and over (or one big batch at the start of the week). If I run out of something I can buy more without guilt, knowing I’ll use any extra next week because I’m eating the same thing!

The other way I save money is by not needing to run to a coffee shop or fast food place halfway through the morning when I finally realize I’m hungry and need something quick! This happens to me frequently if I skip breakfast or don’t get all the nutrients I need. And because I’m hungry and pressed for time, I spend more money than I’d like on food that I probably otherwise wouldn’t really want. 

Eating the same breakfast each day can help you stay healthy and energized!

The biggest way my go-to breakfast has helped me is by ensuring I start the day with the exact nutrients my body needs! It’s taken me some practice and revising to uncover my personal wellness rules, but now I know that for a perfect day, I need to start with protein, veggies, and carbs, and maybe some fruits or healthy fats as well. 

This keeps me from getting hunger pains in the middle of the morning or running out of energy before lunch. AND I’m more productive and more engaged in my work for the morning.

I’m not a fan of counting calories, but I do try to make sure I eat a good mix of different types of food throughout the day. Starting with a well-balanced breakfast helps tremendously, and sets me on the right track for the rest of my meals. I’m more likely to keep making healthy eating decisions throughout my day when I’m full, happy, and have all the nutrients my body needs. 

But what about variety? Don’t you get bored?

Haha! Nope! 

My trick is that I vary some of the details of my breakfast, mostly based on what veggies are in the fridge. I know my breakfast will be a slice of toast, and a 2-egg omelette with sautéed veggies. Which veggies I use changes every week or even daily based on what I still have on hand. It’s a great way to use up leftover veggies that might otherwise go bad!

Below, check out 3 ideas for easy, go-to breakfast ideas you can use to get started. 

One version of my go-to breakfast omelette. This one has no cheese, but has spinach and orange bell pepper, and is topped with a sprinkle of sea salt.

My All-Purpose Breakfast - Omelette with toast

Keep the same: 2 eggs, one slice of toast

Vary: 

• veggie mix-ins -I use spinach, onions, bell peppers, mushrooms, and any other veggies that seem fun!

• Healthy fats - I will add ½ sliced avocado if I have a ripe one on hand, or a sprinkle of goat or feta cheese. 

My Hubby’s Breakfast Smoothie

Keep the same: protein powder, almond milk, spinach, banana

Vary:

• Frozen fruits, which might be strawberries, blueberries, mixed berries, or maybe something more tropical like mango or pineapple

• Add-ins, like 2 tbsp of oats to add some carbs, or ½ avocado for healthy fats

(full disclosure, he also adds peanut butter, but I don’t think that always mixes well with all fruit flavors so take it or leave it!)

Easy Oatmeal

This one is great because you can prep a big batch as overnight oats, or make it hot in the morning. 

Keep the same: rolled oats, almond milk, chia seeds

Vary: 

• Fruit toppings - I like bananas, apples, peaches, and berries

• Add-ins - You can put in some vanilla or chocolate protein powder to up the protein content, coconut oil for healthy fats, or peanut butter for some savory smoothness!

Are you a breakfast person? Or not? What is your go-to breakfast? Let me know in the comments or email me at megangillmanwellness@gmail.com

Two Mental Tools For Managing Anxiety

What does it feel like to be in a mind free from anxiety?

One of my clients asked this yesterday and I had to be honest and say that I don't know.

I'm not a mental health professional, and I'm not trained to deal with anxiety, but I know what helps me with my own.

When I find myself scared or trapped in fearful thoughts, I'm able to reset myself in two different ways.

I use different tools for managing irrational fears versus rational ones.

The first is to acknowledge my fear isn't real.

This is really helpful when I'm stuck in a thought pattern that I actually don't believe.

Like this:

"What if I quit my job and then I never get another job and I can't make any money and we lose our house and then my husband hates me and then...."

See how the thoughts can spiral?

Now, once I notice these thoughts I can realize that I don't actually believe any of that is likely to happen. I believe I'd be able to find at least some other job, and I know that this worst-case scenario my brain is cooking up is just a fearful projection. It's not real.

Once I see it for what it is, I'm able to choose whether or not I want to keep dwelling on it. I can move forward with more realistic expectations. This works really well for me with irrational fears and anxiety.

Sometimes this doesn't work, though, because my anxiety is based on logical fears.

In these cases, I choose a slightly more positive mantra.

This helps a lot with my driving anxiety.

I get pretty scared on the road because we're all driving around in giant metal boxes that, if they hit other metal boxes or any other object can cause severe damage and physical harm. I do not know the mindset, skill level, or intentions of any of the other giant-metal-box operators, and have to assume that at least some of them may be very dangerous.

Car accidents happen and are a fairly real danger. Because of this, I can't rationalize my way out of this fear.

But still, it's not helpful while I'm driving to be having an anxiety attack.

Instead, I pick a positive mantra to repeat, so that I don't dwell in fearful thoughts.

In the case of driving, my mantra is "everyone is trying to reach their destination safely." (I started with "no one is actually trying to kill me", but my coach thought I should pick something more positive-sounding.)

In this case, it's important to pick a reasonable thought that's positive, but not so positive that you can't believe it in your anxiety-ridden state. Telling myself "everyone on the road is a skilled and careful driver" would be too big a stretch for me. So I settle for something a bit closer to where my head is at, and I do truly believe that no one on the road wants to get into an accident.

These are the two main strategies I use to deal with my anxiety on a daily basis.

I also use happy music, meditation, and positive affirmations to help keep me in a happy mindset.

I hope these tools can help you too!

If you feel like you need more help dealing with anxiety, especially if it's frequent or very strong, I recommend checking out an online therapy option like betterhelp.com or talkspace.com, or finding an anxiety specialist in your area!

What tools do you use to help manage your anxiety? I’d love to hear!

Kicking the 'Flix: Pt. 2

So it’s been two weeks since I decided I needed to get my butt off my couch and away from Netflix and I am so proud of my results!

So let me brag to you about how well I’ve done:

In the past two weeks I estimate I’ve watched about 6 hours of Netflix. That is less than an hour a day. Heck, it’s less than a half hour per day!

This is a huge shift from my past indulgence of anywhere from 1-5 hours of Netflix a day (with more on weekends, I’m almost ashamed to admit).

Netflix had become a go-to for filling my time when I felt stressed, bored, or lonely.

So how did I make this happen?

Two strategies made a huge difference in how I approached my Netflixing. 

1. Notice when I’m binging

2. Habit-pairing with a good habit

First off I needed to become aware of when I felt the urge to sit down and flip on the T.V. by paying attention. I started noticing that there were a few situations where I always wanted to turn on the ‘flix. The most obvious trigger was eating. Every time I sat down for a meal alone I felt the pull of the couch and thought to myself “well I’ll just watch one episode of Outlander while I’m eating my lunch.” 

I also tended to gravitate towards the screen when I just arrived home from work. I’d walk into the house and think “Great! I just got some work done! Time to reward myself with Netflix!”

Once I was aware of the situations that triggered me to want to watch, I was able to consciously choose different activities. I started watching online training videos for the Spirit Junkie Master Class while I was eating lunch. When I got home I took a few moments to meditate, or enjoy a cup of tea to wind down, or take the dogs for a walk. 

I’m still working on developing a list of “things I can do instead of Netflix”, but having a few go-to items on that list has already been a big help. 

Watching with friends or loved ones is more fulfilling than binging on shows by myself.

The second major key was making Netflix a reward for another habit I wanted to cultivate. I have been feeling a bit anti-social since I made the jump to self-employment. I miss seeing friends and colleagues every day. So I told myself that I’m only allowed to watch Netflix as a social activity. So I spent more time with my husband watching Community (which is technically on Hulu, but “Kicking the ‘Lu” sounds weird) and invited a good friend over to watch an episode of Outlander with some wine and cheese. 

I have to say I’ve really enjoyed the shift! Spending time with friends and food makes watching my favorite shows even more special, and when I had an at-home movie night with my husband and some Chinese take-out it felt like a real treat. 

I did lapse one night and watch one episode of Outlander by myself, but only when I knew I had nothing else very pressing on the docket for the night. But hey, it’s all about progress. Not perfection. And I’ve made some pretty great progress so far!

Kicking My Netflix Addiction

I always seem to perceive life as a series of lessons and chances to improve. It’s not that I’m not happy with myself or grateful for what I have, because I am. But I also notice areas in which I need to grow and shift in order to be able to complete the work I was put here to do. 

Normally, though, I don’t realize something needs to change until it becomes a big enough issue that either I recognize it’s holding me back or (this is more common) someone I care points it out to me. Lucky for me, my husband recently pointed out to me that I may have a slight addiction. 

To Grey’s Anatomy.

For the next 40 days I’ll be working on shifting my Netflix habit so something more in line with my goals.

He’s not wrong, but I don’t think he saw the whole issue. I do love Grey’s Anatomy (I mean, it’s a great show, come on!) but I have a problem with streaming video in general. Specifically TV shows. Specifically, ones that have strong character development and dramatic storylines. This was not much of an issue when I was younger and tv shows only came out once a week, but it has become a huge drain to my time, energy and relationships now that Netflix is in my home and Hulu is on my phone. 

This first came up when my husband and I got home from a date night and he went to change his shirt and I immediately plopped on the couch and started watching an episode of Grey’s. I didn’t even think about it. I’m not sure I made a conscious choice to do this. But I did. 

Another day that week I had come home for lunch and turned on the T.V. and put on Netflix so that I could watch “just one episode” while I was eating lunch. By the time my husband got home, I had barely left the couch and was 5 episodes into a new season of one of my favorite shows. Episodes on Netflix are like Pringles: Once I pop I literally CANNOT seem to stop. 

Habit shifting isn’t as hard as it seems. Right?

I banned myself from Grey’s Anatomy for the time being, but Monday, I thought I would try just one episode of Outlander which just arrived on Netflix. I am now nearly done with season one. 

It appears that, where Netflix is concerned, I have no self-control. 

I’m not really making conscious choices about what I want to do. This has entered the realm of habit. 

It happens without me even having to think about it. 

This afternoon I noticed the habit at work. My plan was to come home, eat lunch, and get some work done. As I was unlocking the door, though, my mind popped straight to Netflix and tried to tell me that it would be fine to watch just one episode of Outlander. Luckily I caught this thought and was able to start noticing my habit and my patterns. 

So tomorrow (because tonight I will be finally watching the season 3 finale of Stranger Things) I am going to start working on kicking this habit. 

If you have a habit you’re looking to kick, feel free to join in! I’ll take you through a different step each week until I’m sure the habit has been replaced. Let me know in comments what habit you’re hoping to shift! 

3 Rules for Better Sleep

Last year during my annual check up my doctor said she thought I might have a thyroid issue. "Are you unusually tired?," she asked.

I really didn't know how to respond. I was working a full time job that took up a ton of my energy. I was also teaching yoga part time and taking two night classes a week for business school. Yes, I was basically exhausted all the time. But, that was normal. Right?

I figured that once I was finished with business school I would have more time to relax and rest. And when I left my full-time job in July, I thought that would leave me feeling rested and restored.

So I was a bit surprised when I noticed that I wasn't actually feeling more energized or rested. I was even more surprised when I tuned in to what my lack of sleep could be doing to the rest of my life.

This month I'm implementing some strategies to start improving my ability to get enough good-quality sleep.

Here's what I'm doing now:

1. Committing to 8 hours of sleep.

2. Flexible Bedtime - 10pm-11pm

3. No Netflix After 9

If only I could sleep as often and as easily as my cat does.

1. Committing to 8 Hours of Sleep

8 hours of sleep is recommended for adults. I don't really know anyone who gets this much, though, so at first it seems a little selfish. It also seems unproductive. Think of what I could be doing with all this time I'm asleep!

But, if I'm honest, this is the time. I'm not enrolled in school anymore, so there's no homework to worry about. I don't have children, just dogs, and my husband is happy to help take care of them at night if I take my shift in the morning.

It's never going to be easier for me to get a full night's sleep.

So each night, I'm making sure I set my alarm for 8 hours after I go to bed.

3. Flexible Bed Time

The flip side of this is making sure I go to bed at least 8 hours before I need to wake up. If I know I have a shift starting at 7, and I want to be awake by 6 am to have breakfast first, then I know I need to be in bed by 10 at the latest. On days when I might not work in the morning, I can stay up later, but realistically I still want to be up pretty early so I can work on my own projects. So I've decided that my bedtime window is between 10 pm and 11 pm. Ideally I'd like to get to bed by 10:30 pm each night, but I might need to turn in earlier if I have an early start the next day, and realistically I might lose track of time and not make it to bed by the time I imagined. To help with this I set an alarm on my phone to go off at 10 pm every night, just letting me know it's time to start heading to the bedroom.

3. No Netflix After 9.

There are people in this world, I'm sure, who are able to watch only one episode of their current favorite show on Netflix. I am not one of those people. Especially if I'm tired and my impulse control is lowered. If I watch one episode, I will want to watch two. If I watch the second, I will want a third. It's like I am a never-ending black hole for entertainment.

I know this about myself and I know that my husband will normally let me get away with it. This is why I cannot allow myself to sit down in front of any streaming video service after 9:00pm, because inevitably I will watch at least two episodes, and then I will have stayed up past my bedtime.

This is proving my hardest rule to follow so far.

---

Initially I felt a bit silly setting all these rules for myself.

I'm 30 years old! I don't need a bedtime.

But really, don't all of us need a bedtime? Without some overarching structure in our lives it's easy to let important things slide, and sleep and rest is often one of the first things to go. If I want to be fully present to enjoy all my waking hours, then I need to make sure I spend enough time sleeping.

What would your rules look like if you were going to set a plan for getting more and better sleep? I’d love to hear them!

Prayers for Public Speaking

As a yoga teacher and an educator, l’m pretty used to speaking to groups of people. In high school, and in college, I loved performing in plays. So I wouldn't say that I’m afraid of public speaking the way that many people are. Recently, though, my speaking engagements have gotten a little, well, personal.

Photo by Joshua Hoehne on Unsplash

In early November, the yoga studio where I have been teaching and practicing for years was the target of a seemingly random incident of gun violence. Just two days later, I was supposed to speak to a large group of first-year college students about yoga and mindfulness and how these practices can help us become more effective and less stressed. I was feeling more vulnerable and raw than I ever remember having felt before, and all of a sudden I didn't know what I would say
to this group of students. Could I talk about yoga and meditation and just leave out my personal story?

Then I was asked to speak again at a conference on violence and abuse. I had no idea what I would say. I had the biggest case of impostor syndrome I had ever experienced. What did I possibly have to say that could add to this conference, with insights from social workers, policy researchers and helping professionals? I didn't know.

In both of these situations I had no idea what I was going to say. But I knew I was going to speak, and that there was an important message to spread. I just wasn't sure what that was. So I opened up and I asked for help, both from other people and from whatever else is out there.

Here are the 3 prayers I used to help me get through:

Thank you for giving me a voice to make change.
Sometimes the nerves and stress around public speaking can obscure the gift that it really is. Many people never get the chance to use their voices to change the world. Other people spend their whole lives fighting and striving to be heard. Some people around the world risk their lives when they speak up for what they believe. So, when I can remember all of this before I speak, I can say a prayer of gratitude for having the chance to share my thoughts and my words.

Thank you for speaking through me, and for letting the message come through clearly.
This is a prayer to take some of the pressure off. It acknowledges that inspiration is something that flows through us and out of us, not something we create. Before I speak I ask the universe, or God, or spirit, or whatever you choose to call the energy that binds us all together to send the message that this particular audience needs to hear.
Phrasing it as a thank you shows my trust that this is all being taken care of. I’m not begging. I'm trusting and thanking the universe for guiding my words.

Thank you for being here with me.
This is a prayer directly to my audience. There's not a more Lonely feeling, I think, than speaking in front of a room full of people who aren't actually paying attention. Recently, I've found it helpful to actually ask my audience to stay with me. It’s something I always do at the start of every yoga class, and it works great in public talks. We walk through life with scattered thoughts. So I ask the room to get comfortable, take a deep breath, and to really be present.

Using these 3 prayers, l've been able to let go of some of the anxiety that springs up
around public speaking and connect more fully with my audience. But it's not just for crowds.
You could use similar affirmations before a tough conversation at work or with family, and when
writing. It's all about acknowledging that you're here, in this situation, for a reason, and trusting
you'll be taken care of.

How I Became a Morning Person

I've never exactly been a "morning person". I was always astounded that my mother seemed to have the ability to wake up by 6 in the morning without an alarm of any kind, and happily start her day. Sometimes she would even take a walk and have breakfast before the rest of us had even woken up for school. 
That was not me. I would wake up when my alarm went off (and then snooze it), and roll out of bed as late as I could while still being sure I could make it to my first required class. 

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

In college I once took an 8 am chemistry lecture that met on a different campus. I rarely made it to class. My grade on my first test reflected that. And so I started bribing myself: If I got up early and took the bus to my chem class, I could stop at my favorite breakfast place and get a Taylor ham, egg, and cheese breakfast sandwich. It worked! I started waking up for the sandwich, and once I was there it was easy to walk over to my chemistry lecture.

Flash forward to grown-up life. I get to work at 8 am and leave work at 5, and now that I'm taking business classes part-time in the evenings, it seems like there's no time to work out! The only free time I have is between 5:00 and 7:30 in the morning. And, normally, I use that to sleep. 

After months of telling myself I'd get up at 6 to go for a run (or hit the gym or practice yoga) and failing, I found something that changed my outlook: The Power of Habit, by Charles Duhigg. I had purchased this book at least a year ago and finally got around to reading it in May 2018. Thank goodness I did!

 https://charlesduhigg.com/how-habits-work/

Among lots of other great insights, this book details the habit cycle - how habits are formed, and how you can use that to form and change your own habits. Basically, habits are formed when a stimulus, an action, and a reward are repeated in the same sequence enough that your brain decides to hold onto it. After a while, when you experience the stimulus you'll go on autopilot to complete the action because your brain expects a reward. Think Pavlov's dogs. 

The book also introduced the concept of a keystone habit, which is a habit that, once implemented, spurs the adoption of other positive habits and helps to get rid of negative habits. This is what waking up early would be for me. I couldn't successfully start a habit of working out every morning if I was still asleep. I couldn't start making healthy breakfasts if I didn't wake up with enough time to make breakfast. 

So I implemented the habit cycle: 

• Stimulus: I used my cell phone alarm. For added effectiveness, I left the cell phone plugged in and charging across the room, so I'd have to get out of bed to turn it off. 
• Action: Go to the kitchen and turn on the tea kettle. We use a french press coffee maker, so I need the water to boil before I can make coffee. Then I hop right back into bed
• Reward: The kettle boils, and I can wake up to fresh french press coffee. I get to sit and drink my coffee and just do nothing until the cup is done. :)

I started doing this at the same time I normally set my alarm, about 6:45 am. It worked pretty well! I was still sleepy when my alarm went off, but walking to the kitchen and turning on the kettle wasn't hard. And then I got right back into bed. When I got out again, I started my day with hot coffee sitting either on my couch or out on my back porch in the early light. If I was feeling generous, I'd let the dogs out and let them snuggle with me. 

Once I knew the habit was sticking, I started setting my alarm about 10 minutes earlier every few days. Eventually, I was waking up at 6:00, and I was ready to start adding in my runs. By 6:30 I was usually done with my coffee and looking for something to do, so I'd pop on my sneakers and run out the door and arrive back by 7:30 to get ready for work. 

Now my alarm goes off at 5:30, and I'm out the door on my run normally by 6:20 or so, which leaves me extra time when I get back to stretch and shower and maybe even make myself a little breakfast!
It's all possible because I changed that one keystone habit and started actually waking up when my alarm went off instead of snoozing and going back to sleep. 

What are the habits you'd like to add (or remove!) from your daily routine? 

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