How to Protect Your Energy at Work

This is for you if you get home from work feeling completely drained every day - even if you love your job.

Even if you start your day feeling super confident and super capable.

Because there’s one thing basically every workplace has in common: people. There are always other people there!

And people have a huge impact on your energy. In so many ways!

If you’re an introvert by nature, you might feel drained at the end of the day after having totally normal social interactions with your coworkers.

If you have energy vampires in your workplace, or customers or coworkers who just have really low vibes, that energy can stick to you too.

I’ve definitely had days when I walk into my workplace feeling happy, energized, and calm, only to leave at the end of the day feeling like all my intentional good energy had been stolen from me, and I was now carrying around my colleagues’ boredom, frustration, and worry.

I now use two simple tools to stop this from happening.

And it’s not just for work, you can use these techniques anywhere you’re going to be in close proximity to a lot of people - an airplane or subway, a crowded yoga class, even at a family gathering.

Step 1: Protect your Energy

Your energy is a result of the thoughts you think and the work you’ve done to bring peace and calm into your life. Protect the positive energy you’ve been cultivating!

All you need to do this is your imagination!

Before you go into your workplace at the start of the day, while walking through the door or even while getting out of your car, imagine yourself putting on a magic cloak or cape. Imagine wrapping it around yourself, pulling up the hood, and fastening it closed. Set the intention that this cape will keep your energy in, and everyone else’s energy out.

If you have a hard time visualizing this, it can be really helpful to use a sweater or scarf wrapped around your shoulder to symbolize it, or even a blazer or other normal workwear! If you wear a uniform at work, can you incorporate your uniform into the ritual somehow?

The cool thing about this: it doesn’t have to stay front of mind all day. You can put on the magic cloak at the end of the day, and then when you’re headed out you can take it off. If you forget to “take it off” there’s no real downside.

Step 2: Reclaim your Energy (and release any that’s not yours)

As you’re leaving work, or as needed throughout the day, repeat this prayer or intention:

Any energy that I have lost throughout the day, I call it back to me now. I am whole and complete. I call back my power.

Any negative energy I have picked up throughout the day that does not belong to me, I release it now. I release it back into the earth to be transformed and recycled.

You can say this intention multiple times throughout the day, calling back your energy and sloughing off the energy of people in your sphere (physically or virtually!) that have been rubbing off on you.

Level up: If you need extra oomph here, you can add some crystals for protecting your energy to your pocket, purse, or desk throughout the day! Clear quartz is a great one for fending off negative energies.

Energy management techniques like these can make a powerful, fast shift in the way you experience your day. If you are craving more energy and more time to do the things you want, you can sign up here to save a seat in my next free webinar!

A Different Kind of Job Search

What if instead of killing ourselves trying to figure out if we were showing up as the person we WANTED them to be (in order to, what, trick them into hiring us?) we practiced showing up over and over again in interviews as exactly who we ARE.

So many women struggle with imposter syndrome, and could part of the reason be that we're taught that in cover letters and interviews we are supposed to present ourselves in a "certain" way? And then once we start the job we're faced with the reality that they hired a performance we put on, instead of who we actually are?

I always like to think of job searching as, basically, online dating (it totally is! Stick with me here).

In online dating, you look at a profile that shows you a little tiny bit about another human. You "swipe right" or let them know you're interested and now they can see a profile that shows you a tiny little bit about you.

If it looks to both of you like you'd be a good fit, you schedule a first date.

Then, if you really like the first date, you might start "dating" right away or you might "talk" a few more times before you decide to enter a commitment.

Most of us empowered women are on the same page now about dating. If you put fake shit in your profile and then act fake on your first date, the best-case scenario is you end up in a relationship that's totally wrong for you.

SO WHY DO WE STILL PUT ON A CHARACTER FOR JOB SEARCHING?

Because we've been taught that we need to show up "professionally" and that hiring managers are looking for certain "qualities".

Well, ladies, it wasn't so long ago that we were told the same thing about men (assuming you'd prefer a romantic partnership with a man, that is_.

We've lived. We've learned. We've evolved.

It's time to take that newfound knowledge out of the bedroom and into the interview room.

Here are a few ways you can show up more authentically in your job search, so you know when you get hired that they want YOU. Exactly how you are.

1. It starts with the cover letter. A) Write one. If you're not doing this you're missing a key opportunity to let them see who you actually are, because a resume only can do so much. B) Write it in your own voice. The one you would use if you were talking to a beloved mentor, or a boss who totally got you.

   The mantra here is not "I want them to like me". The mantra is "I want them to be totally clear on whether or not they want to talk to me."

2. Stay calm in the interview. I know, easier said than done. Interviews are scary and stressful. Use EVERY tool in your tool box to help you stay calm and relaxed. Meditate. Do some yoga. Listen to your affirmations. Call your hype girl. Whatever it takes to help you get closer and closer to calm. It may take some practice, but it gets easier.

3. Let YOU shine through. When you're feeling calm your actual personality can show and shine in the interview, instead of the character you put on that acts exactly how you think they want you to act. Remember, it's just a first date. If you act like someone you're not, then they can't decide if they actually like you for YOU.

4. Look for what YOU want. Just like on a first date, you're interviewing them too. When you're feeling calm and grounded it becomes a million times easier to tune in to your intuition and notice red flags when they pop up. Remember to trust them when they show you who they are. If they make you jump through stupid hoops in the interview process, chances are they won't stop once you're hired.

   I feel like I could go on and on and on here, so maybe I should turn this into a podcast episode or something. I hope you see where this is going, though. The key to creating a work life, and a work-life-balance that you feel great about is ditching the performance of how you think you "should" be showing up and being honest from the get-go about who you really are.

   I know it can feel scary, even sometimes impossible, and that's why I make it my whole business to support women through the process of doing this work and making these changes. You can set up a free strategy session with me today to find out more about how I can help you fast-track your way to the life you've been dreaming of.

   Click Here to schedule your free call!

Mothers' Day Gift Guide

I do not want my toddlers art.

I do not want him to make me breakfast.

I spend most of my days covered in dirt, snot, and some sort of jam (did we even eat jam?) so for Mothers’ Day I think something a little more elegant is in order. Something that reminds me that I’m a woman, not just a mother. Something I want!

So without further ado, here is my Mothers’ Day gift guide for 2023. Whether you’re shopping for yourself, a mother figure in your life, or if you’re just going to send this link to your partner (especially if your partner is a dude and maybe doesn’t even remember that Mothers’ Day is coming up…) this one’s for you.

(This post includes affiliate links, and I may earn a commission if you purchase through them.)

For the Hostess:

Does your mother figure love to invite people over for cozy and/or elaborate gatherings? These striped cloth napkins are so much more elegant and sustainable than the disposable plastic ones my mom always used! I use my cloth napkins when I have company, but they also are great to line a serving bowl or plate that I’m stuffing full of muffins or cookies to keep out on the counter!

Link : https://www.darlingsociety.com/products/sustainable-striped-napkin-pack-set/with/mgillman

For the Explorer:

Now that my mom is partially retired, she loves to go on adventures with her girlfriends to all the places she was too busy to go to while taking care of, well, me. This travel bag set is perfect for the woman on the go! The linen bags are so much nicer than trying to shove all your stuff into plastic bags! Actually, I might have to get these for myself also….

Link: https://www.darlingsociety.com/products/shore-linen-travel-bag-set/with/mgillman

For the Achiever:

Is your mom a go-getter? She’s on committees and boards, working her a$$ off? Basically, she’s got a short skirt and a long jacket, if you know what I mean?

This sticky note set will elevate her desk and remind her how much you appreciate all the hard work she does! It comes with graph paper sticky notes and an elegant minimalist concrete holder. A stationery hoarder’s dream!

Link: https://www.darlingsociety.com/products/graph-sticky-note-set/with/mgillman

For the Gardener:

My mom-in-law has the greenest of green thumbs. Her lawn is, well, it’s not really a lawn so much as a lush rainforest full of edible plants and pollinator plants. She grows beautiful flowers and if your mom does too then she’ll love one of these unique vases to show off her cut flowers! (Tip: Present them with some flowers already inside alongside the traditional breakfast-in-bed!)

Link: https://www.darlingsociety.com/products/reservoir-handmade-glass-vase/with/mgillman

Link: https://www.darlingsociety.com/products/graceful-ceramic-vase/with/mgillman

What do you think? Would you buy any of these for a mother in your life? Which one do you want for yourself? Let me know in the comments!

My "Problem with Authority" is a blessing I'd love to share with you

I’ve always had a bit of a problem with authority, and it’s lead to some conflicts in my life, especially in my work life.

And though I’m sure it’s made some situations more difficult for me, I wouldn’t change it for the world! Here’s why.

I’ve had some great teachers/bosses/supervisors in my life. Like some truly TRULY amazing ones. And I’ve also had ones that were absolutely awful in all sorts of ways. In school we’re conditioned to be good little worker bees, following directions and showing deference and respect so that we could get good grades and move on to a better, brighter future.

In school those rules and guidelines were more or less clear. You do this work on the syllabus, do it the way your teacher likes it done, you get the A.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

In work worlds the rules and guidelines are often much more ambiguous. Usually because no one in charge ever bothered to decide on rules or guidelines at all. They just figured it’d all work itself out.

So you adapt and you try to do the same thing that got you the A in school: figure out how your boss likes things done. D the things well, and get the A.

But unlike our school teachers, many of whom were excellent at their jobs (if, at times, a bit cynical and burnt out), our bosses were likely never taught how to be good bosses. They were just put in the role and given authority and they don’t have an innate understanding of how to use it, and especially not how to use it for good.

“With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility”. Heh. More like “with great power comes a bit of a pay increase and a nicer parking spot”.

For personal reasons, I learned from a pretty young age that the people in charge do not necessarily deserve our trust and respect. And so when I had a good boss, the kind that earned my trust and respect, I tended to flourish and do great work. But more often than not there’s at least one person in your workplace that does not approach leadership that way. And if you haven’t yet developed a near paranoid distrust of people in leadership roles, then you might end up feeling it’s somehow Your fault that your boss doesn’t like you. It’s maybe something you did or said, or maybe your work isn’t good enough quality.

I’m here to tell you that 99% of the time you feel like your boss hates you it’s one of 2 things: either your boss does hate you for reasons that are almost entirely inside their own head and you couldn’t change if you tried, or your boss literally does not care about you almost at all, and has next to no idea you’re having a hard time.

That’s right. Your boss’ behavior towards you is often just a result of your boss being excessively human, and stuck in their own head all the time without giving much thought to how their actions impact the people around them. This shouldn’t be news, because it happens all the time with other relationships - with friends, family members, kids, spouses, etc. You know when your kid comes home cranky and yells at you that it’s not because your kid hates you. right? It’s because something is happening inside your kid’s brain and body that is causing them to lash out. You’re a safe space for them to unload.

The problem with bosses is mostly just our expectation that because they are In Charge they aren’t human in this exact same way. Of course, since they are the boss they must spend all their time thinking about how to be a good/better/best boss and they are either failing or singling you out specifically to make you miserable.

It’s neither of those. They are just human, doing their own human things, and perhaps struggling to do it in a healthy, productive way.

When you accept that your boss (or anyone in a position of authority, really) isn’t going to necessarily be great at Peopling, you end up with three pretty clear options:

1. You can try to change your boss (often called “managing up”) and work to get them moving in the right direction. I don’t recommend this because it is a) not your job and b) a lot of emotional and mental work. Just like in a romantic relationship, it should never be on you to manage the other person’s behavior.

2. You can try to find a new boss with whom you work better. This is a bit trickier to do, because it often entails job searching either within your organization or outside it, but it’s still always an option. The major downside is this: it’s hard to know whether you’ll get along with your new boss from just the interview process, and even if they do, they might move up or move on eventually, leaving you with whatever supervisor gets chosen next.

3. Lastly, you can get really freaking awesome at setting, communicating, and upholding healthy boundaries in the workplace. For me, this is the obvious best solution, because it’s the one you have the most control over. And because it’s a skill set you can practice, it follows you and not your boss should you ever decide to leave. Is it risk free? Nope. But none of these options are. In work relationships there’s always a bit of a power imbalance : your boss can fire you, whereas you can only decide to quit. But if you become great at this skill there are some serious benefits, even outside the world of work!

My boundaries are freaking strong! Especially at work. I’m not perfect, but I’m getting better and better at communicating my boundaries and SUPER FAST at realizing when a boss is willing to allow their employees to have boundaries and when they aren’t (that’s when I tend to walk). What about you? Are you ready to take your work life into your own hands? Schedule a call with me today to get started!

Finding my way with Desire Mapping

As a life coach I’ve amassed a great many tools over the years that allow me to guide others through the process of clarifying what they want and creating a life full of exactly that! And this year, on January 1, I decided to break out one of my favorite tools and use it myself. That tool is the Desire Map Workbook, created by Danielle LaPorte, and in the next few blog posts, I’m going to wax poetic about how this tool is helping me map out my plans for 2023!

The Desire map book on white fabric with a notebook, pen, and an insulated cup

The start of a new year is a time that makes many of us long to settle down, snuggle up, and dream about what is to come. Some of us create goals or resolutions, others choose a word or set an intention for the year to come. I did a little of all of these, plus some meditation and tarot card pulls. But the one thing that called out to me to really dive into this January was the Desire Map.

This workbook uses a lot of free-form journalling and reflection to help you clarify what your Core Desired Feelings are. Once those are known, it becomes almost like a compass for living your most true and beautiful life. Instead of trying to map out achievements, you need only follow your core desired feelings as they bring you closer and closer to what’s meant for you.

There’s no limit to how many feelings you might choose. Some people choose one, some choose five. Each time I do this process I seem to end up with three (which is fine by me, because three is a magic number!)

Here are my Core Desired Feelings for 2023, and what each one means to me.

Connection

To me, connection means so much more than just knowing people you can ask for help. It means roots growing together so that trees can communicate. It means the way that the trees are connected to the air and the water and the light in the same way that our lungs are connected to the air and the water and the light. It means that we're really all the same, not only all people, but all of everything. I am you and you are me and when I forget that it leads to pain and loneliness. I'm not alone. There are millions and billions of me all around because I am the universe and we are all the same thing.

It turns out that connection is pretty freeing and incredibly empowering, but also calls us to do our best to show up for the people in our lives, the earth we live on, and the communities we are a part of in a way that it’s easy to tap out of. For me, connection is embodied by new friends gathered around a table, bare feet planted in the grass, and the deep, steady inhale of air into my lungs.

Inspiration

I love seeing how connected my words are in my mind. On the one hand, inspiration is all about the breath. Literally breathing in. I would love to cultivate a strong and beautiful appreciation for my breath this year. I think my work with my pelvic floor has helped me learn how important it is to breathe deeply, all the way through my body. (Side note to literally any humans with a pelvic floor - look into this it is magical and deeply necessary!)

On the other hand, the feeling of inspiration speaks to my intention of being open to signs and signals from my muses, from the spirit of my business, and from my spirit guides and guardian angels. My desire to open wider to input from my tarot and oracle pulls, for answered prayers, and for signs from the universe. Inspiration represents allowing myself to be led and guided, instead of trying to use my own human brain to try to control everything in my life at all times (which, let’s face it, hasn’t really worked for anyone, has it?)

Glowing

Glowing means tht my belief and my self-assuredness and my purpose and my happiness are so well-nurtured that they shine out of me and are visible to anyone who sees me or enters my space.

Glowing means that I nurture myself and care for myself the way that the witches cared for the star in Stardust: making myself so happy and so relaxed and so calm that I literally radiate light to those around me. It means also that my energy field, the electrical forces that radiate out from me, my aura, the energetic function of my person that interacts with the energies and auras of everyone around me.... that field is projecting positive, calm, loving vibes.

The fun thing about Glowing is that, as I think about it, the primary way I can achieve it is just by nourishing and loving the hell out of myself. And in a way it seems like the scariest and most difficult to achieve.

---

These words are so much more than I initially thought when they emerged out of my journaling and the workbook this year. I'm not sure what I expected, but what I found is that the dictionary definitions of the words might be one thing, but what they mean to me in this phase of my life is so much more!

I love this exercise because it's like a compass that helps guide me through all the things that are happening in my life. The situation might look different than I had planned, and the individual goals might not be achieved, but if I'm moving towards more of these three things in my life, then I know I'm on the path I want for myself.

My Millennial Employee Work Persona Keeps Biting Me in the Ass

I had to quit my job recently.

I was repeating a pattern that had become familiar to me, and it may be one that's familiar to you as well. It goes like this:

I take a job at a company I'm really excited about. I like their mission. I like their vibe. I am thrilled to join the team.

It takes a little bit, but I get my footing and I start doing GREAT WORK. I don't mean to toot my own horn, but great work is the kind of work I do. When I'm excited about something I give it my all, I come up with creative ideas. I don't "go hard or go home" I literally just go hard. Always.

I get maybe a little too excited. I start dedicating extra time, extra brainpower to how this whole thing could work a bit better. I become invested. Even though it's not, at all, it starts to feel very much like my circus. my monkeys. I let some boundaries blur. I overpromise. I overdeliver.

I start pursuing new opportunities, new projects, and trying to consistently level up. Eventually I realize that the value I'm providing is topping out what I've been asked to do, and what I've been paid to do. It's hard to backpedal from this place. Doing less feels like doing... not enough. But the company's not about to offer me more money.

I start a dialogue with management. I let them know what I've been thinking, where I stand and what I'm hoping for. They say (generally the same in every company) that they'll see what they can do.

By this time I've become so resentful that there's not really a good resolution possible. Either they can't swing what I'm asking for, or won't. I can't backpedal my work without feeling bored, and I can't keep working at my current level without feeling taken advantage of.

This played out for me in several jobs before I realized it was a a pattern of mine. And it's one of the reasons I decided to start working for myself, not to be an employee.

The scary part is that this last time I had already started my own business, and had taken a part-time job "just for fun" and for some extra income. Basically just enough to pay for my kid's childcare while I was working.

Even when I'm aware of them, even though I'm a fucking life coach, old patterns are hard to shake.

This is a tough lesson and one I will keep re-learning until I get the universal lesson lurking underneath. What's that lesson? Well, I think I know but I guess I'll find out soon enough.

How to challenge your thoughts

I have a tendency to pack my plate (my metaphorical plate, my schedule, is what I mean here. Although if you've ever seen me at a buffet, I will pack my literal plate also) with lots of things.

I love to create ideas. I have GREAT ideas and I love to think up new ones. I love to say YES to opportunities that sound fun and challenging.

And I often get stuck in a cycle repeating the same actions: 1. I create and say yes to lots of fun opportunities 2. I try to do everything at once 3. I start getting tired. Burned out. Overwhelmed 4. I quit everything and start the cycle over again.

And I have a thought about this, when I'm in the cycle. The thought goes something like "I struggle to find balance."

This is a thought I've accepted as truth about myself for a long time. I've accepted it as part of my personality. But it's not necessarily true - just a thought. ( I bet you have thoughts like that too!)

How do I mean? Well, for that thought to be true, there'd have to be an actual, irrefutable point of "balance". And there's simply not.

Trying to find the point of "balance" in a human life is like trying to find the ideal level of a flowing river. It's something you might arrive at for a moment, but it can't be maintained for long periods of time. Sometimes the river will run low. Sometimes it will overflow it's banks. And normally it will be at some level in between those two points, and occasionally it will, for a matter of moments or maybe days, be at it's "balanced" point.

My human life is like a flowing river. Expecting myself to find and maintain balance is pretty unreasonable.

Photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash

So today I found an accessible new thought to try on (what? You can just try on thoughts? Like trying on outfits? Yup. Yes you can!)

The new thought goes something like this: I am under no obligation to anyone, not even to myself, to do everything I can do or everything I want to do. I am still enough, even if I don't complete every project, say yes to every opportunity, and execute every plan.

I like this new thought because it's objectively true. I won't be attacked by some cosmic judge for ordering takeout instead of meal prepping every night. My husband won't leave me because I didn't get the laundry folded. And my friends won't hate me forever if I back out of a plan last minute.

Because sometimes I have all the energy and I want to do all the things. And sometimes I do not want to do any of the things. And most often, I fall somewhere in between.

It feels rebellious to my perfectionist-programmed brain, but I can recognize it as logically true. So that's helpful.

I think it's a good practice to look at your thoughts, even the thoughts you've held for years and years and accepted as just "part of who you are" and then decide a) whether you believe them, b) whether you want to believe them and then c) what a new, better-feeling thought might be.

How I Became a Mother (My Baby's Birth Story)

Dear Reader: This is the story of my experience giving birth to my first (currently only) child. We chose a natural birth with no medications and didn’t have any complications. I’m sharing this birth story because my pregnancy was characterized by anxiety and frustration that I had no real idea of what this was going to be like. How would I know it was time? What would it feel like? What if something went wrong? So here it is. The whole experience (my own, the only one I can write about) from the onset of my surges to waking up at home with baby.

If you’re not up for hearing about actual childbirth experiences (fluids, swearwords, and all) this is not for you. If you do want to read, let’s go!

Our first nursing session captured on camera.

Connell was due on December 20th, and I knew my mom had a plane ticket to come see us on Christmas day. I was determined he would be out by Christmas. I was kind of hoping for Christmas eve.

But as we got closer and closer to the due date, and then passed it, I started getting more and more anxious. When would he come? How would I know? What if I didn't get to the midwife in time? What if something went wrong and I had to go to the hospital?

I started "curb walking" whenever I walked the dogs. Just trying to help him get ready to come out. I took a long hike with my husband, because my mom swears that walking up hills is the best way to get the baby out.

Every night I'd have practice contractions. Was this it? I'd think. They always settled down eventually and let me get to sleep.

Until the night they didn't.

I waited until almost midnight. They didn't stop. I got in the bathtub to help me relax. It felt more manageable in the bathtub, but it didn't stop. I texted my midwife and she said to let her know when they were consistently 5 minutes apart. Thus started my obsession with timing all my contractions (which is hard as fuck to do while you are IN the contractions, and waiting for the contractions to come back). I made James help me time them until around 2am when I let him go to sleep. They were not consistent at all, but they also weren't stopping. I got back in the bathtub and turned on a guided meditation. Listened to some music. Refilled the bathtub with hot water what seemed like 8 or 9 times.

I told myself I wouldn't bother my midwife again until my alarm went off at 7. When my alarm went off at 7 I got out of the bathtub and tried to make myself some breakfast. I decided to fix a smoothie because I couldn't imagine eating anything solid. But I knew I'd need to eat something to keep my strength up.

The contractions were manageable if I kept moving, like dancing, while they happened. So I put in my headphones and put on classic Christmas songs (jingle bell rock, rocking around the Christmas tree) I waddle-danced my way around the kitchen making my smoothie, then called my midwife.

She agreed I was in labor, but it would probably be a while before I was ready to come in and actually get things started. I would know when it was time to come in, she said. I turned on a Christmas Movie (The Santa Clause, with Tim Allen) and continued to waddle-dance around my living room through the whole movie. James eventually got up and took the dogs for a walk. He made me a snack at some point (I think apple slices?) and blew up my yoga ball so I could waddle around on it through my contractions instead of waddle-dancing. This helped me get a bit of rest.

The movie ended and we put on another. Coco. Great movie. About 30 minutes in I was completely distracted by what was happening in my body. I was doing my calming breaths, trying to relax, and it was taking 100% of my focus and the feeling of each contraction was intense. James asked if I wanted him to take the dogs for a walk and I said NOOOOOO! I needed him there because it was probably almost time to go.

I called my midwife again. "Hi! So, my contractions are not consistently 5 minutes apart, but some of them are less than 5 minutes apart and I really think it might be time for me to come in".

She said, based on her experience and how I sounded, I probably wasn't there yet, but she had her lunch break at 1, so I could come in at 1:30 and if I wasn't ready she'd just send me back home to keep waiting.

I got in the bath to wait until 1:30.

Then we took the go-bag, got in the car (hard while pregnant. Harder while actively in labor) and drove the few minutes to the birth cottage. 

The midwife saw us right away and after examining me she said “How far dilated do you think you are?” I remember saying “I have no tricking clue but I hope I’m close to done!”

I was fully 10 cm dilated. It was go time. So she got me settled in the back room and called in her assistant while my husband got me settled in their bathtub (it was much bigger than ours at home, which I really appreciated). 

I was in that bathtub for like 5 hours, breathing and listening to a hypnobirthing meditation on repeat. James sat in the tub with me and rubbed my shoulders and poured warm water on me and offered me snacks what seemed like every five minutes but was probably only twice. I may have snapped at him the second time (something like “No I don’t want any fucking snacks!”).

My contractions were strong, my heart rate and the baby’s heart rate were good, but after hours my water still hadn’t broken. How will I know if it breaks, I though, if I’m here in this bathtub? My midwife answered that it would feel like a balloon popping. (WTF? But she was right).

I was getting exhausted after hours and hours of labor. I was ready to have this baby. And yet, no pop. 

So my midwife told me to push and that would help the sac to burst and the labor would move faster. “I am pushing!” 

“No, no you’re not” (said very kindly)

“Ok then how am I supposed to do it?” 

OMG how big was my belly!

I started pushing and after a few rounds I felt it. 

“Pop! Pop! Pop!” 

Literally that’s what I said. There was a moment of confusion before they were able to get out of me that my waters had broken. 

Now I was in a bathtub full of fluids from the amniotic sac. Also the water had gotten pretty cold. It was time to get out. 

We moved to the bed and started fiddling around with different positions. 

Laying on my back? Unbearable. 

Squatting near the wall? Exahausting. 

I ended up going for a variation on cat/cow pose and continued to push. 

I could feel it was about time. And then I started feeling just how much it was going to hurt. 

I hadn’t had any pain killers (I didn’t even take Tylenol or anything which, in retrospect, I should at least have brought that.) and I just kept thinking “this is going to be awful” and also “well, it’s got to happen eventually” and I remembered why I had avoided peeing the whole time I was in labor: whenever I sat on the toilet I literally could NOT control my contractions. They got so strong that I felt completely out of control. 

If I sat on the toilet, I knew, that baby would come out regardless of what I thought my pain tolerance was. And then, at least, whatever happened next I could at least lay down for a minute. 

This was the motivation that brought my baby into the world. 

I got my team (at this point they were a blur of people, James, Asheba, Layla, all sort of popping up in the corners of my vision saying generally calming things and asking what I wanted) to take me to the bathroom. I think they thought I finally had to pee. Joke’s on them , I thought, I am never peeing again. Nothing is every coming out of this part of me again. This is it. This is endgame. 

I was on the toilet for like 2 contractions before the baby started poking it’s not-so-little head out. It was coming. Just like I though, I couldn’t stop it even if I wanted to. 

“On this next push, I need you to stand up” said either the midwife or her assistant. 

This was of course impossible. I could not push down and also stand up. Not now. Not at this brave new level of exhaustion. 

So James pulled me up as high as he could and I pushed down as hard as I could and out starts the head (there is an excellent photo of this moment, of my feet literally lifting off the floor as James pulls me up and my pregnant abs are flexing like some kind of warrior fertility goddess. It’s incredible). 

Then someone asked James if he wanted to catch the baby. We had discussed this. The answer was going to be no - because it was going to be very very gross. He was to go nowhere near the business end of things. 

But, of course, he did. 

And was rewarded by a big splash of all the rest of the fluid that came out with what turned out to be our absolutely perfect baby boy. 

I was done. 

My job was over. 

I could finally lay down!!!!

I was helped back to the bed and at this point I know that the fluttery people fluttered around doing helpful things and caring for my baby while I lay, basically dead to the world, on the bed. 

I remember thinking that whatever happened next it wasn’t my problem. Everything was now, in my mind, firmly Someone Else’s Job. 

My baby was put into my arms and he was warm and snuggly and perfect and I just wanted to sleep. 

Then they started pushing on my belly in a deeply uncomfortable way (oh, right.. the placenta) and then cleaning me up and (OUCH!) sewing me up and then someone brought me tacos (thank you taco angels!) and I spilled tacos on my perfect baby’s perfect head. 

He nursed. He fell asleep. I fell asleep. They made me stand up eventually (the nerve!) and shower and then my baby was dressed in the precious little outfit we picked for him and we got into the care and drove home. It was about 11:00pm. 

We went home, sleepy baby was put back on sleepy momma’s sleepy chest, and we all went to sleep for probably the next 12 hours straight. 

We woke up the next morning. We were home. We had our baby. And it was Christmas Eve. 

How to Plan Less and Have a Better Time

Do you get super stressed when planning a vacation, trying to nail down exactly how you will fit everything in, see all the sights, and make sure that you are having the Best Time Possible? Then this blog post is for you.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

I was like that too.

I would spend hours ahead of any vacation or trip researching the best restaurants, the best places to stay, transportation options, deals and discounts and I would end up with a to-do list half a mile long. In my head I'd try to keep track of tour schedules, restaurant hours, which experiences required reservations and how far in advance you could make them.

By the time we actually arrived I was almost bored with the place! I tried to pack in as many "experiences" as possible and ended up with vacations that felt more like crossing off a to-do list than an actual break.

Luckily, my husband (and most frequent travel partner) quickly got fed up with this.

He told me on a trip to Disney World (a place where you can REALLY overschedule!) that he was actually nervous about the trip and not looking forward to it because he could tell I was already stressed the night we arrived.

"I'm not stressed! I'm excited! I'm on vacation!" is what I wanted to explain. But instead I asked "what is it I'm doing that is creating stress?"

He told me that the way I had tried to plan each day with specific times and places to do everything left him feeling like I wouldn't be happy unless we did everything "right" and that he felt worried he would mess up my vacation.

He was right, in a way. By trying to control everything I'd brought my perfectionism on our trip with us. I had arranged the "best" schedule and it left almost no wiggle room, so if things went perfectly that was fine, but if anything went unperfectly? It felt like I let myself down. And when's the last time you had a vacation where everything went perfectly?

In that moment we committed to making the trip better. I took out my phone and started cancelling reservation after reservation.

We made a compromise.

I could plan 2 things each day.

One ride or show,

and one meal.

Everything else we did would be following what we felt like it. We'd just wander around and see where the day took us.

It was the BEST Disney trip I'd ever taken.

No rushing to get a fast pass.

No stress waiting in line (it's not like we have something planned for after this anyway).

No worrying if we were having the "best" possible experience.

We were able to just enjoy the moment we were in. And enjoy each others' company.

Having the one meal planned and the one experience forced me to get more intentional about what I really wanted to do, and gave us a bit of a framework within which we could "riff' on our day. It was a stark contrast to the previous trips I've done at theme parks, which were all about tight schedules and timing the lines right and getting the right seats for a parade.

It. Was. Magic.

Since then we've adopted the same rule when we travel anywhere. I can pick one or two things a day (one is often food) that I really want to make sure we do. And from there we let ourselves explore and float.

It's completely changed my experience of travel. I can actually ENJOY my vacations now, instead of constantly being in planner/problem-solver mode. And so I figured it's too good not to share.

Try this new style of planning for your next trip and let me know how it goes!

P.S. - travel anxiety about a big trip getting you down? Sign up for one of my $33 soul check sessions and we'll create a plan to help you actually ENJOY your vacation that's completely unique to you!

The simplest thing you can do to get control of your time.

People tend to underestimate the impact of just writing down the things you need to do and the places you need to be in some sort of planner.

Will it solve all your time management problems? No.

But it will free up a ridiculous amount of brain space for you, and make it approximately 50x more likely that you actually remember the things you are supposed to be doing.

It is literally Step One in getting control over how you spend your time and how you show up for yourself and the people around you.

And you don't need a fancy planner to do this.

You can use a notebook, even one you use for other things.

You can use your phone (you've got it with you all the time anyway).

You can use a post-it or the back of your hand.

It's not about the stationery.

It's entirely about the 5 or so minutes you take to write down your schedule for the day, and the tasks you want to accomplish.

Here's how to get started if this is new for you:

1. On Sunday night (or Saturday, if your week starts on Sunday), sit down and write all the things you know you need to do in the coming week. This can include big things "fly to Nevada for work conference" and small "buy groceries for the week". This is your weekly overview. It keeps you from saying "sure! We'd love to come to your house for dinner Thursday!" when in fact you are working late Thursday night for a special event. Keeps you from scheduling a zoom meeting for the same time as your weekly playgroup. That sort of thing.

2. Every night, before you go to bed, write out a quick list of the things that you need or want to do the following day. (You can try to do this first thing in the morning, but it won't work. You will be too sleepy to think properly, or you will wake up with only moments to spare before you need to start Doing Things, and it will feel impossible to stop and actually figure out what the Things are that you need to Do.)

Write out the times of meetings and events, write out a task list of things you'd like to accomplish. Just have it ready to go in the morning.

When you wake up, all you have to do is follow the agenda for the day that your personal assistant has laid out for you! (It's you. Your personal assistant is you. Yesterday-you.)

So I want to challenge you to do this now. Today. Start tonight. Or right now!

I guarantee it will make a HUGE difference in how you get through your days, and how in control you feel of your time and energy.

Let me know how it goes, and if you want extra support you can schedule a mini-session with me and I will help you get started.