Kicking the 'Flix: Pt. 2

So it’s been two weeks since I decided I needed to get my butt off my couch and away from Netflix and I am so proud of my results!

So let me brag to you about how well I’ve done:

In the past two weeks I estimate I’ve watched about 6 hours of Netflix. That is less than an hour a day. Heck, it’s less than a half hour per day!

This is a huge shift from my past indulgence of anywhere from 1-5 hours of Netflix a day (with more on weekends, I’m almost ashamed to admit).

Netflix had become a go-to for filling my time when I felt stressed, bored, or lonely.

So how did I make this happen?

Two strategies made a huge difference in how I approached my Netflixing. 

1. Notice when I’m binging

2. Habit-pairing with a good habit

First off I needed to become aware of when I felt the urge to sit down and flip on the T.V. by paying attention. I started noticing that there were a few situations where I always wanted to turn on the ‘flix. The most obvious trigger was eating. Every time I sat down for a meal alone I felt the pull of the couch and thought to myself “well I’ll just watch one episode of Outlander while I’m eating my lunch.” 

I also tended to gravitate towards the screen when I just arrived home from work. I’d walk into the house and think “Great! I just got some work done! Time to reward myself with Netflix!”

Once I was aware of the situations that triggered me to want to watch, I was able to consciously choose different activities. I started watching online training videos for the Spirit Junkie Master Class while I was eating lunch. When I got home I took a few moments to meditate, or enjoy a cup of tea to wind down, or take the dogs for a walk. 

I’m still working on developing a list of “things I can do instead of Netflix”, but having a few go-to items on that list has already been a big help. 

Watching with friends or loved ones is more fulfilling than binging on shows by myself.

The second major key was making Netflix a reward for another habit I wanted to cultivate. I have been feeling a bit anti-social since I made the jump to self-employment. I miss seeing friends and colleagues every day. So I told myself that I’m only allowed to watch Netflix as a social activity. So I spent more time with my husband watching Community (which is technically on Hulu, but “Kicking the ‘Lu” sounds weird) and invited a good friend over to watch an episode of Outlander with some wine and cheese. 

I have to say I’ve really enjoyed the shift! Spending time with friends and food makes watching my favorite shows even more special, and when I had an at-home movie night with my husband and some Chinese take-out it felt like a real treat. 

I did lapse one night and watch one episode of Outlander by myself, but only when I knew I had nothing else very pressing on the docket for the night. But hey, it’s all about progress. Not perfection. And I’ve made some pretty great progress so far!

Kicking My Netflix Addiction

I always seem to perceive life as a series of lessons and chances to improve. It’s not that I’m not happy with myself or grateful for what I have, because I am. But I also notice areas in which I need to grow and shift in order to be able to complete the work I was put here to do. 

Normally, though, I don’t realize something needs to change until it becomes a big enough issue that either I recognize it’s holding me back or (this is more common) someone I care points it out to me. Lucky for me, my husband recently pointed out to me that I may have a slight addiction. 

To Grey’s Anatomy.

For the next 40 days I’ll be working on shifting my Netflix habit so something more in line with my goals.

He’s not wrong, but I don’t think he saw the whole issue. I do love Grey’s Anatomy (I mean, it’s a great show, come on!) but I have a problem with streaming video in general. Specifically TV shows. Specifically, ones that have strong character development and dramatic storylines. This was not much of an issue when I was younger and tv shows only came out once a week, but it has become a huge drain to my time, energy and relationships now that Netflix is in my home and Hulu is on my phone. 

This first came up when my husband and I got home from a date night and he went to change his shirt and I immediately plopped on the couch and started watching an episode of Grey’s. I didn’t even think about it. I’m not sure I made a conscious choice to do this. But I did. 

Another day that week I had come home for lunch and turned on the T.V. and put on Netflix so that I could watch “just one episode” while I was eating lunch. By the time my husband got home, I had barely left the couch and was 5 episodes into a new season of one of my favorite shows. Episodes on Netflix are like Pringles: Once I pop I literally CANNOT seem to stop. 

Habit shifting isn’t as hard as it seems. Right?

I banned myself from Grey’s Anatomy for the time being, but Monday, I thought I would try just one episode of Outlander which just arrived on Netflix. I am now nearly done with season one. 

It appears that, where Netflix is concerned, I have no self-control. 

I’m not really making conscious choices about what I want to do. This has entered the realm of habit. 

It happens without me even having to think about it. 

This afternoon I noticed the habit at work. My plan was to come home, eat lunch, and get some work done. As I was unlocking the door, though, my mind popped straight to Netflix and tried to tell me that it would be fine to watch just one episode of Outlander. Luckily I caught this thought and was able to start noticing my habit and my patterns. 

So tomorrow (because tonight I will be finally watching the season 3 finale of Stranger Things) I am going to start working on kicking this habit. 

If you have a habit you’re looking to kick, feel free to join in! I’ll take you through a different step each week until I’m sure the habit has been replaced. Let me know in comments what habit you’re hoping to shift! 

Why Do I Wait So Long to See a Doctor?

It's almost seven in the morning. I've been up since just after 4 suffering from a really interesting pain. It feels like there is something shoved up my urethra, and at the same time it feels like my bladder and belly are both full.

I don't know why it's so much worse at night, or why it seems worse today. I don't feel good, though.

It feels worse when I run, it feels worse when I sleep. And I'm trying to figure out why I let it go this long. Why didn't I call my doctor when I first got the infection, or when it didn't go away after a week? Why have I been suffering through mild pain for so long that it's become normal?

Initially I didn't go in because I thought it would go away on it's own. I get a lot of these. It would be hard to say how many. One every few months, maybe, since I was in college. Part of it is the fear that something is really wrong with me. If I don't know about it then I don't have to deal with it. Part of it is the fear of the cost. It's not in the budget for me to receive medical treatment (even though I do have health insurance). Part of it was the pre-emptive feeling of frustration thinking they might say "everything seems normal" and there would be no help for me anyway.

These hangups are not a result of my doctor, who I think is great. They are a result of a lifetime of learned subconscious lessons. I learned that the doctors were scary when they took blood and gave me shots when I was small. I learned that anything that was weird in my general "reproductive area" was probably what I deserved for being sexually active from sex ed. I learned that doctors can dismiss my pain and complaints easily from a doctor in college who told me that my symptoms didn't exist because he couldn't find a reason from them. From my friends with major health problems I've learned how draining it is to have to advocate for yourself through our health system, and how much suffering you sometimes have to endure just to stay well.

The overarching theme that I've internalized is that our health system is not for helping me, and it should be utilized sparsely, because it's often very dangerous and distressing.

I wonder how many other people have internalized that same message?

Is this universal? Is it U.S.based fear of healthcare? Is it a generational thing?

Maybe it's biological - an impulse from back when being sick meant being left behind or being the first picked off.

I like to think that I'm a rational person, but I also feel that it's rational to try to avoid the healthcare industry as much as I can.

It's hard for me to feel comfortable relying on this system that I know objectively has so many flaws. But it's also uncomfortable for me to have a bladder infection. So today, at the prompting of my husband, I'm asking my doctors help.

I'm glad I'm at the point in my life where I feel able to recognize some of these patterns that are shaping my decision-making, instead of just going along for the ride. But I'm also feeling frustrated by the systems and society that taught me these lessons, because that's not the society I'd like to live in.

Now I'm wondering if I should really post this. Because, like, who really needs to know that I have a bladder infection? But it's my blog so, you know, whatever. I don't feel comfortable talking about this. And maybe you don't feel comfortable reading it, or talking to or listening to other peoples health hang ups. That's ok. Pretty normal, I think. But in my experience the things we feel most uncomfortable talking about are the things it would be the most helpful for us to talk about.

How I Became a Morning Person

I've never exactly been a "morning person". I was always astounded that my mother seemed to have the ability to wake up by 6 in the morning without an alarm of any kind, and happily start her day. Sometimes she would even take a walk and have breakfast before the rest of us had even woken up for school. 
That was not me. I would wake up when my alarm went off (and then snooze it), and roll out of bed as late as I could while still being sure I could make it to my first required class. 

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

In college I once took an 8 am chemistry lecture that met on a different campus. I rarely made it to class. My grade on my first test reflected that. And so I started bribing myself: If I got up early and took the bus to my chem class, I could stop at my favorite breakfast place and get a Taylor ham, egg, and cheese breakfast sandwich. It worked! I started waking up for the sandwich, and once I was there it was easy to walk over to my chemistry lecture.

Flash forward to grown-up life. I get to work at 8 am and leave work at 5, and now that I'm taking business classes part-time in the evenings, it seems like there's no time to work out! The only free time I have is between 5:00 and 7:30 in the morning. And, normally, I use that to sleep. 

After months of telling myself I'd get up at 6 to go for a run (or hit the gym or practice yoga) and failing, I found something that changed my outlook: The Power of Habit, by Charles Duhigg. I had purchased this book at least a year ago and finally got around to reading it in May 2018. Thank goodness I did!

 https://charlesduhigg.com/how-habits-work/

Among lots of other great insights, this book details the habit cycle - how habits are formed, and how you can use that to form and change your own habits. Basically, habits are formed when a stimulus, an action, and a reward are repeated in the same sequence enough that your brain decides to hold onto it. After a while, when you experience the stimulus you'll go on autopilot to complete the action because your brain expects a reward. Think Pavlov's dogs. 

The book also introduced the concept of a keystone habit, which is a habit that, once implemented, spurs the adoption of other positive habits and helps to get rid of negative habits. This is what waking up early would be for me. I couldn't successfully start a habit of working out every morning if I was still asleep. I couldn't start making healthy breakfasts if I didn't wake up with enough time to make breakfast. 

So I implemented the habit cycle: 

• Stimulus: I used my cell phone alarm. For added effectiveness, I left the cell phone plugged in and charging across the room, so I'd have to get out of bed to turn it off. 
• Action: Go to the kitchen and turn on the tea kettle. We use a french press coffee maker, so I need the water to boil before I can make coffee. Then I hop right back into bed
• Reward: The kettle boils, and I can wake up to fresh french press coffee. I get to sit and drink my coffee and just do nothing until the cup is done. :)

I started doing this at the same time I normally set my alarm, about 6:45 am. It worked pretty well! I was still sleepy when my alarm went off, but walking to the kitchen and turning on the kettle wasn't hard. And then I got right back into bed. When I got out again, I started my day with hot coffee sitting either on my couch or out on my back porch in the early light. If I was feeling generous, I'd let the dogs out and let them snuggle with me. 

Once I knew the habit was sticking, I started setting my alarm about 10 minutes earlier every few days. Eventually, I was waking up at 6:00, and I was ready to start adding in my runs. By 6:30 I was usually done with my coffee and looking for something to do, so I'd pop on my sneakers and run out the door and arrive back by 7:30 to get ready for work. 

Now my alarm goes off at 5:30, and I'm out the door on my run normally by 6:20 or so, which leaves me extra time when I get back to stretch and shower and maybe even make myself a little breakfast!
It's all possible because I changed that one keystone habit and started actually waking up when my alarm went off instead of snoozing and going back to sleep. 

What are the habits you'd like to add (or remove!) from your daily routine? 

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