How to Stay Mindful in a Chaotic World

It feels like every five seconds something is vying for my attention. Even if I have "nothing to do" I can still break out my phone and find hours worth of content to read, fights to join on the internet, and influencer examples of how my life "should" look. 

The result of all this is, even though I'm mostly self-quarantined, it still feels like I have no time for mindfulness. 

Today I want to explore a little about why that is, and how to practice mindfulness in easy ways.

The opposite of mindful is mindless.

Think of the mindless things you do every day.

For me, it's grabbing food from a drive-through window and eating it in the car, scrolling through Instagram and Facebook posts at a mile a minute, and diving deep into Youtube or Netflix holes and just watching content for hours. 

How do I know they're mindless? 

Because I do them without thinking. 

I very seldom sit down and think "I want to go on Facebook and connect with my friends right now". Instead, I just look up from my phone at some point and realize that I've been scrolling for about 20 minutes and I don't even remember opening the app. 

Sometimes I'll fix myself a plate of food and the next thing I know I've been on my couch for three hours watching a new Netflix show. Sometimes, if I don't even really like the show, I will continue to sit there watching it AND open my phone and scroll through Facebook or Instagram. 

These activities start like reactions, like habits, and not intentionally. 

Partly, this is because these apps are specifically designed to be habit-forming. They make more money the more we use them. So they're designed to be addictive. 

But mindless behavior also happens as a result of me not wanting to deal with unpleasant emotions, like boredom, loneliness, or stress. Not in a helpful way that helps me actually deal with these emotions, of course, but in an anesthetic way that can take me out of my own mind for a while. 

When I'm in any way uncomfortable, I seek distractions. And distractions are the opposite of mindfulness. 

Finding mindfulness. 

Step 1. Minimize distractions. 

Put your phone away somewhere. Don't keep it with you. You are much less likely to find yourself mindlessly scrolling or mindlessly playing a game or diving into a research rabbit hole if your phone is even a short walk away in another room. You can also uninstall problematic apps, like Instagram or Youtube, from your phone if you find yourself using them without intending to. You can always reinstall them later once you've found new strategies to help manage your stress and emotions. 

Step 2. Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness is hard, especially when you're not used to it. It can feel boring or uncomfortable to be in the present moment because we're used to being constantly distracted by entertainment or our own thoughts. 

Start small and practice often, just like any new skill you're learning. Don't shoot for a 20-minute meditation session right off the bat. 

Instead, try doing a few tasks mindfully. 

Turn off your podcasts, your music, your audiobooks, and go for a walk with just the ambient noise around you. 

Wash your dishes mindfully, or play with your dogs mindfully. 

Choose one or two things and decide that, for the duration of that activity, you will choose to stay present and not add any extra stimulation. 

Step 3. Find Mindful Friends

It's more enjoyable to stay present when people you enjoy are there with you. While I don't recommend trying to push your significant other, friends, or family into a mindfulness practice (better to lead by example and avoid any fights!) I do recommend putting yourself in situations where you can be mindfully present with others. Maybe this is a book club or yoga class, where everyone is present in the moment and has their phones away. It might be a church group or a hiking club. Even virtual gatherings can be mindful if you manage them right. 

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Do you have your own go-to strategies for staying mindful when the world seems to be pulling you off track? I’d love to hear about them.

And, as always, if you need a little extra support getting your mindfulness practice going, click here to set up a free 30-minute intro call with me today!

Kicking My Netflix Addiction

I always seem to perceive life as a series of lessons and chances to improve. It’s not that I’m not happy with myself or grateful for what I have, because I am. But I also notice areas in which I need to grow and shift in order to be able to complete the work I was put here to do. 

Normally, though, I don’t realize something needs to change until it becomes a big enough issue that either I recognize it’s holding me back or (this is more common) someone I care points it out to me. Lucky for me, my husband recently pointed out to me that I may have a slight addiction. 

To Grey’s Anatomy.

For the next 40 days I’ll be working on shifting my Netflix habit so something more in line with my goals.

He’s not wrong, but I don’t think he saw the whole issue. I do love Grey’s Anatomy (I mean, it’s a great show, come on!) but I have a problem with streaming video in general. Specifically TV shows. Specifically, ones that have strong character development and dramatic storylines. This was not much of an issue when I was younger and tv shows only came out once a week, but it has become a huge drain to my time, energy and relationships now that Netflix is in my home and Hulu is on my phone. 

This first came up when my husband and I got home from a date night and he went to change his shirt and I immediately plopped on the couch and started watching an episode of Grey’s. I didn’t even think about it. I’m not sure I made a conscious choice to do this. But I did. 

Another day that week I had come home for lunch and turned on the T.V. and put on Netflix so that I could watch “just one episode” while I was eating lunch. By the time my husband got home, I had barely left the couch and was 5 episodes into a new season of one of my favorite shows. Episodes on Netflix are like Pringles: Once I pop I literally CANNOT seem to stop. 

Habit shifting isn’t as hard as it seems. Right?

I banned myself from Grey’s Anatomy for the time being, but Monday, I thought I would try just one episode of Outlander which just arrived on Netflix. I am now nearly done with season one. 

It appears that, where Netflix is concerned, I have no self-control. 

I’m not really making conscious choices about what I want to do. This has entered the realm of habit. 

It happens without me even having to think about it. 

This afternoon I noticed the habit at work. My plan was to come home, eat lunch, and get some work done. As I was unlocking the door, though, my mind popped straight to Netflix and tried to tell me that it would be fine to watch just one episode of Outlander. Luckily I caught this thought and was able to start noticing my habit and my patterns. 

So tomorrow (because tonight I will be finally watching the season 3 finale of Stranger Things) I am going to start working on kicking this habit. 

If you have a habit you’re looking to kick, feel free to join in! I’ll take you through a different step each week until I’m sure the habit has been replaced. Let me know in comments what habit you’re hoping to shift! 

So Tired All The Time

About a month ago I made a big decision to quit my full-time job at a university to pursue a path that was more in line with my dreams and vision for what I want my life to be. Being out of my daily 8 am - 5 pm schedule has left me with more autonomy and more control over what I do and when I do it. I've been loving having more flexibility in my schedule, but you know what I've been noticing?

I. am. so. tired!

I'm not a morning person by nature, but in order to squeeze in some exercise during the hot, Florida days I started waking up at 6:30 am or so to go running before work at 8:00. Then I would sit in my office, working or meeting with students, until lunch. Sometimes at lunch I would have time to get up, leave my office, and move around. Then it was back to the desk for the rest of the day. The constant workflow normally kept me busy until it was time to head home. I knew I felt exhausted at the end of the day, but I figured that was from working so hard!

Last Wednesday is when I started to notice what was going on. I was a little sleepy in the morning, but no matter! I went in to my part-time job and made it through my hours no problem. Part way through my shift I felt so hungry. Hungry for what? Not sure. But hungry nonetheless. I tried to fill up with water and coffee while I was working.

When I got in my car, though, it hit me. I wanted to take a nap.

I could have fallen asleep right there in the car!

I didn't though. I had meetings coming up and Things. To. Get. Done.

I knew that being tired was something I need to start avoiding. It was one thing when I was stuck behind my desk all day, but now that I was free to roam my lack of sleep was getting me into all sort of mischief!

So I drove to a coffee shop and grabbed some coffee. I still felt super hungry, but I had just eaten lunch. I made it through my meeting without ordering any food, but I felt a little scattered.

After the meeting, though, that's when the impact really hit me: Irrational decision making.

I make silly choices when I'm too tired.

I drove to a bookstore and ordered two books I didn't really need.

I then walked to a cupcake store and bought 6 cupcakes. I meant to buy two. But they were 6 for the price of 5. So… yeah.

Going out of my way for this little shopping spree put me almost 10 minutes late for my next meeting.

Once that was done, instead of getting work done like I had planned I ended up reading a vampire novel for a few hours until I was done. I was too tired to feel motivated or productive.

I knew that being tired was something I need to start avoiding. It was one thing when I was stuck behind my desk all day, but now that I was free to roam my lack of sleep was getting me into all sort of mischief!

It hit me again yesterday. I noticed while I was at my part time job. I was sleepy. Not surprising. I had stayed up later than I planned the night before. I woke up early to go for a run, but I was feeling too tired to actually go running. I ate a big breakfast but still felt hungry all day. What's more, I started noticing that it felt like I couldn't take full, deep breaths without a conscious effort.

This time, after getting home and eating lunch, I put myself down for a nap. After waking up after a long nap, I was more productive in three hours than I had been that whole day the week before.

I felt really vindicated today when I found this article about the impacts of not getting enough sleep. Sure enough, it impacts your appetite and your blood oxygen level.

The list of negative impacts from sleeping too little is long and scary. So my big goal for the month of June is to get more and better sleep. I’ll be sure to share any strategies that work for me! If you have tips, please feel free to email me or comment on this blog. I could use all the help!

How I Became a Morning Person

I've never exactly been a "morning person". I was always astounded that my mother seemed to have the ability to wake up by 6 in the morning without an alarm of any kind, and happily start her day. Sometimes she would even take a walk and have breakfast before the rest of us had even woken up for school. 
That was not me. I would wake up when my alarm went off (and then snooze it), and roll out of bed as late as I could while still being sure I could make it to my first required class. 

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

In college I once took an 8 am chemistry lecture that met on a different campus. I rarely made it to class. My grade on my first test reflected that. And so I started bribing myself: If I got up early and took the bus to my chem class, I could stop at my favorite breakfast place and get a Taylor ham, egg, and cheese breakfast sandwich. It worked! I started waking up for the sandwich, and once I was there it was easy to walk over to my chemistry lecture.

Flash forward to grown-up life. I get to work at 8 am and leave work at 5, and now that I'm taking business classes part-time in the evenings, it seems like there's no time to work out! The only free time I have is between 5:00 and 7:30 in the morning. And, normally, I use that to sleep. 

After months of telling myself I'd get up at 6 to go for a run (or hit the gym or practice yoga) and failing, I found something that changed my outlook: The Power of Habit, by Charles Duhigg. I had purchased this book at least a year ago and finally got around to reading it in May 2018. Thank goodness I did!

 https://charlesduhigg.com/how-habits-work/

Among lots of other great insights, this book details the habit cycle - how habits are formed, and how you can use that to form and change your own habits. Basically, habits are formed when a stimulus, an action, and a reward are repeated in the same sequence enough that your brain decides to hold onto it. After a while, when you experience the stimulus you'll go on autopilot to complete the action because your brain expects a reward. Think Pavlov's dogs. 

The book also introduced the concept of a keystone habit, which is a habit that, once implemented, spurs the adoption of other positive habits and helps to get rid of negative habits. This is what waking up early would be for me. I couldn't successfully start a habit of working out every morning if I was still asleep. I couldn't start making healthy breakfasts if I didn't wake up with enough time to make breakfast. 

So I implemented the habit cycle: 

• Stimulus: I used my cell phone alarm. For added effectiveness, I left the cell phone plugged in and charging across the room, so I'd have to get out of bed to turn it off. 
• Action: Go to the kitchen and turn on the tea kettle. We use a french press coffee maker, so I need the water to boil before I can make coffee. Then I hop right back into bed
• Reward: The kettle boils, and I can wake up to fresh french press coffee. I get to sit and drink my coffee and just do nothing until the cup is done. :)

I started doing this at the same time I normally set my alarm, about 6:45 am. It worked pretty well! I was still sleepy when my alarm went off, but walking to the kitchen and turning on the kettle wasn't hard. And then I got right back into bed. When I got out again, I started my day with hot coffee sitting either on my couch or out on my back porch in the early light. If I was feeling generous, I'd let the dogs out and let them snuggle with me. 

Once I knew the habit was sticking, I started setting my alarm about 10 minutes earlier every few days. Eventually, I was waking up at 6:00, and I was ready to start adding in my runs. By 6:30 I was usually done with my coffee and looking for something to do, so I'd pop on my sneakers and run out the door and arrive back by 7:30 to get ready for work. 

Now my alarm goes off at 5:30, and I'm out the door on my run normally by 6:20 or so, which leaves me extra time when I get back to stretch and shower and maybe even make myself a little breakfast!
It's all possible because I changed that one keystone habit and started actually waking up when my alarm went off instead of snoozing and going back to sleep. 

What are the habits you'd like to add (or remove!) from your daily routine? 

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