How to Stay Mindful in a Chaotic World

It feels like every five seconds something is vying for my attention. Even if I have "nothing to do" I can still break out my phone and find hours worth of content to read, fights to join on the internet, and influencer examples of how my life "should" look. 

The result of all this is, even though I'm mostly self-quarantined, it still feels like I have no time for mindfulness. 

Today I want to explore a little about why that is, and how to practice mindfulness in easy ways.

The opposite of mindful is mindless.

Think of the mindless things you do every day.

For me, it's grabbing food from a drive-through window and eating it in the car, scrolling through Instagram and Facebook posts at a mile a minute, and diving deep into Youtube or Netflix holes and just watching content for hours. 

How do I know they're mindless? 

Because I do them without thinking. 

I very seldom sit down and think "I want to go on Facebook and connect with my friends right now". Instead, I just look up from my phone at some point and realize that I've been scrolling for about 20 minutes and I don't even remember opening the app. 

Sometimes I'll fix myself a plate of food and the next thing I know I've been on my couch for three hours watching a new Netflix show. Sometimes, if I don't even really like the show, I will continue to sit there watching it AND open my phone and scroll through Facebook or Instagram. 

These activities start like reactions, like habits, and not intentionally. 

Partly, this is because these apps are specifically designed to be habit-forming. They make more money the more we use them. So they're designed to be addictive. 

But mindless behavior also happens as a result of me not wanting to deal with unpleasant emotions, like boredom, loneliness, or stress. Not in a helpful way that helps me actually deal with these emotions, of course, but in an anesthetic way that can take me out of my own mind for a while. 

When I'm in any way uncomfortable, I seek distractions. And distractions are the opposite of mindfulness. 

Finding mindfulness. 

Step 1. Minimize distractions. 

Put your phone away somewhere. Don't keep it with you. You are much less likely to find yourself mindlessly scrolling or mindlessly playing a game or diving into a research rabbit hole if your phone is even a short walk away in another room. You can also uninstall problematic apps, like Instagram or Youtube, from your phone if you find yourself using them without intending to. You can always reinstall them later once you've found new strategies to help manage your stress and emotions. 

Step 2. Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness is hard, especially when you're not used to it. It can feel boring or uncomfortable to be in the present moment because we're used to being constantly distracted by entertainment or our own thoughts. 

Start small and practice often, just like any new skill you're learning. Don't shoot for a 20-minute meditation session right off the bat. 

Instead, try doing a few tasks mindfully. 

Turn off your podcasts, your music, your audiobooks, and go for a walk with just the ambient noise around you. 

Wash your dishes mindfully, or play with your dogs mindfully. 

Choose one or two things and decide that, for the duration of that activity, you will choose to stay present and not add any extra stimulation. 

Step 3. Find Mindful Friends

It's more enjoyable to stay present when people you enjoy are there with you. While I don't recommend trying to push your significant other, friends, or family into a mindfulness practice (better to lead by example and avoid any fights!) I do recommend putting yourself in situations where you can be mindfully present with others. Maybe this is a book club or yoga class, where everyone is present in the moment and has their phones away. It might be a church group or a hiking club. Even virtual gatherings can be mindful if you manage them right. 

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Do you have your own go-to strategies for staying mindful when the world seems to be pulling you off track? I’d love to hear about them.

And, as always, if you need a little extra support getting your mindfulness practice going, click here to set up a free 30-minute intro call with me today!

EFT Tapping Made Easy

Sometimes watching videos of things online make things seem so hard! 

Recently I've been exposed to the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), which is also known as tapping. It's a method of tapping on certain energy points on your face and body while using your words to bring focus to a specific issue or symptom. The goal is that through this combination of acupressure and truth-speaking you can help your brain to release the stress response associated with certain thoughts, events, or emotions. 

Cool! Right?

When I was introduced to it through my teacher Gabby Bernstein, I thought it was interesting and wanted to try it more. The videos online all showed people tapping while talking through what almost sounded like a script. 

I figured I could never tap on my own because I wouldn't know what to say!

But after a while of playing with it and getting more and more excited, I decided to purchase a book on the subject and in the second chapter it breaks down tapping into the easiest possible steps!

Woah!

Life changer!

This morning I followed the steps and tapped on a strong fear that I never would have been able to find all the words for. I was able to get my fear WAY down, from level 10 to maybe a 3, and I'm feeling so much better!

So here's the trick:

You don't need to use fancy words. You just need two things: a Most Pressing Issue (MPI) and a reminder phrase to keep your attention on that issue. 

Say you just decided to start your own business and you're feeling a huge fear of failing as a businesswoman. That's your Most Pressing Issue. 

Put your MPI into your Setup Phrase:

Even though _____________, I fully and completely love and accept myself. 

For me this morning, that was "Even though I have this huge fear of failing as a businesswoman, I fully and completely love and accept myself." 

You use the setup phrase 3 times to get started and then use your reminder phrase for the rest of the tapping. 

The reminder phrase is just a short reminder of your MPI. Common ones are :

"All this pain" 

"All this _____ I'm feeling"

"All this stress". 

You can make it more specific if you like, but you don't have too. 

Just say the reminder phrase as you tap on each point 5-7 times (just long enough for you to say the phrase. Don't overthink it!)

That's all you need!

No elaborate scripts. No fancy words. No specific flow from bad to good to better. 

Why not give it a try right now? 

1. Pick your Most Pressing Issue (it can be physical, mental, or emotional)

2. Write your setup phrase

3. Write your reminder phrase

If you're not familiar with the tapping points, follow this video to show you where they are. 

https://youtu.be/pAclBdj20ZU

Then keep tapping until you feel some relief!

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I’m so excited to be offering a new, 30-day coaching intensive for anyone looking for tons of one-on-one support through this crazy time. Over the course of a month, we’ll work together using tools like EFT, meditation, to help you go from coping to creating a life you’re absolutely obsessed with.

Click Here to set up your free intro call!

My First Kundalini Class (What's Your Yoga Match Part 3)

Continuing my exploration of different yoga styles, I came across one that I’d never really tried before. If you’re paying attention to yoga in popular culture, it’s easy to see the lean towards a fitness mentality. Yoga clothes that focus on “improving performance” with “sweat-wicking” technology have become the norm, and it’s not unusual for people to start yoga because they want to improve their physical fitness.

That’s not what all yoga is like, though. Today I want to tell you about my first experience exploring a Kundalini Yoga class.

I found Kundalini yoga first through author and speaker Gabby Bernstein. As a Kundalini yoga teacher herself, she offers several meditations and practices in some of her books and online videos. I’d had great experiences with some of those meditations but sometimes felt silly holding my arms up over my head and chanting alone in a room. During one particularly powerful chanting session at home, in fact, both my dogs ran in to stare at me and started barking as loud as they could. Let's just say it wasn’t quite the experience I’d imagined.

Photo by Antonika Chanel on Unsplash

I was intrigued by this style of yoga that focused on moving energy and healing ourselves using more than just asana or postures, so I decided to try a class in person.

Going into my first class I really wasn’t sure what to expect. It was my first time at Namaste Yoga in Tallahassee, and I’m always reminded, my first time at a new yoga studio, how confusing these spaces can be to those who haven’t visited before. Which door do I go in? Where do I leave my shoes? How do I pay?

When I walked into the room where the class was happening I saw all sorts of different people wearing all sorts of different things. The teacher, Jasbir, and two students were wearing all white, one woman wore flared jeans, and I and two other students had regular athletic clothing on. A pretty motley crew! I did some reading after the fact and found out that the white clothing and white turbans are worn in Kundalini yoga are meant to strengthen and expand our auras. You don’t have to wear white to class though.

Throughout the class, we did a variety of postures, repetitive movements, seated holds, and chanting out loud and in our heads. Each part lasted for about three minutes. Some of them, to be honest, I had a hard time keeping a straight face for. I kept thinking during the Har meditation that if someone were to walk into the room, they would be very confused. Some of them were just hard, in that they involved some physical movements that started out easy but became harder over the three minutes we continued.

Overall, I really enjoyed it and plan to go back. It was nice to be in a class where we were all willing to try things that seemed a little silly in the hope that they would help us tune in better to our own inner selves and the universal forces that impact us.

You might love Kundalini Yoga if: you enjoy the more spiritual and metaphysical aspects of yoga, you enjoy chanting and mantra meditation

You might not love Kundalini Yoga if: chanting, especially in ancient languages, makes you uncomfortable, you’re looking for a more fitness-based yoga class

Final thought: The teacher mentioned twice that Kundalini yoga can help you start to see deeper truths and patterns in your life that you can work on moving forward. “If you think your life is perfect,” she said, “don’t do Kundalini yoga.”

A Meditation to Forgive Yourself

Often we can be our own harshest critics. I know I find myself frequently judging my body, my habits, and my achievements wondering why I’m not working harder, having more success, or losing more weight. It can feel awful to be stuck in a judgment loop, and for me, it tends to end with me judging others so that I don’t feel quite as bad about myself.

Today I spoke with a friend about a mistake in the past that she’s been judging herself for. It’s something I’m really familiar with. I can flash backward in time for seemingly no reason to a moment when I said something I shouldn’t have, hurt someone I care about or even hurt someone I had never met. These instances come back in full surround-sound and technicolor, and they bring with them the pain and regret I feel for not having been a better person in those moments.

So today I’m sharing with you what I shared with my friend, a meditation to forgive yourself and let go of some judgment.

Photo by Patrick Fore on Unsplash

Meditation to Forgive Yourself

Before you start this meditation, see if you can find a photograph of yourself when you were a child. It’s not necessary, but for me, it really helps to have a visual aid.

Start by sitting or laying down in any sort of comfortable position. As you inhale, sit up a bit taller, and as you exhale allow any tension in your shoulders and the rest of your body to release.

Take a deep breath in through your nose, filling up, and then exhale through your mouth.
Do this two more times: big inhale, easy exhale. Deep inhale, and easy exhale.

Allow yourself to return to your natural rhythm of breath, but continue to breathe deeply throughout the meditation.

Imagine yourself standing in front of you, the way you looked when you were a child. See yourself young and innocent, and in your mind’s eye, kneel down in front of your child self.

As you sit with your child self, a bright golden light streams down on you. Allow this light to fill your whole being. With every inhale the light glows brighter, and with every exhale it expands until it starts to overflow into the space around you.

In your mind’s eye, place your hand gently on the shoulder of the child-you standing in front of you. Allow the warm golden light to flow into the child and start to fill them up as well.

As you inhale, say “I wish you love.”

As you exhale, say “I wish you joy.”

Inhale, “I wish you peace.”

Exhale, “I wish you all good things.”

As you inhale, say “You are forgiven.”

As you exhale, say “You can let this go.”

Inhale, “You are perfect.”

Exhale, “You are loved.”

Repeat these affirmations for as long as you like. Then, when you are ready, wrap your child-self in a warm hug, and release them, watching them happily wave goodbye.

When you feel ready, open your eyes.

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This meditative visualization can be so powerful because it taps into the compassion we naturally show to others, especially to young children. So often we are unable to show this same compassion to ourselves, but it is this very feeling of self-love and compassion that can allow us to release judgment and guilt.

I hope that you can use this meditation when you find yourself locked in a judgment spiral. Use it to move through any pain or guilt, and release yourself to move forward in joy!