Getting older is a big deal, especially for women I think. It's fraught with a lot of different emotions. You might feel proud, you might feel regret and you might feel fear. And that's all pretty common.

I know a few of you are celebrating big birthdays, and so I wanted to offer up some tips on how to make your party a little more personal. (There are no new ideas. Most of these tips are from The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker)

1. Don't get stuck in the details

We know from Pinterest and Instagram what a birthday party is supposed to look like. Big metallic number balloons. Fancy flowers. Mimosas or Rosé, sundresses, and maybe even a selfie station.

But often we get so stuck in the details of what a party should look like that we end up with all form and no function. After the cake is cut and the guests are gone we feel...just the same as we did before.

So instead DON'T plan out the details until you plan out the other steps.

2. Know what you need

What do you emotionally need from this party? In the summer of 2020, I was pregnant and home alone most of the day. Because of Covid, we weren't seeing anyone and our plans to visit friends and family had all been canceled. What I needed for my birthday was some good quality time with friends. Not small-talk, but long sustained conversations.

So instead of inviting 10 people over all at once, I invited two people at a time throughout the week. Neighbors, friends, etc. were invited in pairs to come sit in our backyard for an hour and eat cake with us. It was perfect and fulfilled the need for connection that I had been missing all summer.

So what do you need for your birthday? Maybe you need to be celebrated for your recent hard work! Maybe you need to get away from everyone! Maybe you need some one-on-one time with a close friend. Once you know what you need, it's a lot easier to make it happen.

3. Be clear about what you want

I know we all want to be seen as the "cool" hostess. We don't want to be too pushy or controlling. We want people to have a good time. But honestly? People feel better when expectations are clear.

So be clear in your invitation. If you don't want people to bring a friend or partner, say so. If you want everyone to show up wearing blue, say so in the invite. If you want everyone to come prepared to share their favorite memory of your time together, give them a heads up!

Being clear about what you want in the invitation has two big benefits. The first is that you are more likely to actually get what you want. The second is that you can let go of guilt about "being controlling" because if they're not willing to play along, they can always not attend!

Remember, your birthday is about you, and celebrating your life. It's not about cake and pretty Instagram pictures (unless of course that's what you decide you WANT it to be about, in which case go right ahead!)

Creating more meaningful celebrations is a part of creating a more full and meaningful life.