The Not-So-Simple Trick to Peaceful Co-working from Home

Working with a coworker at home, especially when that coworker is my husband, takes more patience than I thought it would.

I'm used to working from home. But I'm also used to being able to leave and go work at a coffee shop if I need a change of scenery. I'm also used to being able to work from any room in the house, and having it be quiet and peaceful. I'm also used to being able to go to the bathroom whenever I want or need to.

No longer.

Now I have a shared home workspace. And I'm mostly just very happy to have some company and know that my husband is home and safe. And I'm also a little quick to anger and stress about things that would seem to be his fault.

Like:

• He's still not doing any of the chores

• He's hogging the bathroom

• He's playing his music too loud

• He's interrupting my flow

Sometimes the people we love most can get on our nerves the fastest.

These aren't really his fault, though. I mean, yes they are things he seems to be doing, but they aren't things we've talked about.

Here’s an example. For me, working from home at my station at the kitchen table means I am super aware of messes in the kitchen that need to be cleaned up. I am frustrated that he is not volunteering to help or doing it all on his own. He has no idea this is even a problem. Most of the things i get super frustrated with my work-from-home coworker about are things he has absolutely no idea might bother me. Why? Because he's not a mind reader, and we both experience the world differently.

I look at a sink piled with dishes and immediately think "great. More work for me to do". He looks at the same sink and thinks "no problem! I'll tackle that later"

So here's the trick: Unless I tell him, and explain to him, how *I* experience the sink full of dishes, he will never understand my stress about it. It's on me to communicate that.

Asking him to turn his music down might work for a bit. Later I will hear it again. He doesn't know my experience with this music. Instead, I need to explain to him why it's important to me that the house be quiet (because I record video, because I'm crazy attuned to music and it distracts me really easily, because the mood he needs to be in is not the same mood I need to be in, etc.) But I cannot expect him to magically understand this on his own.

It's on my husband to respect and acknowledge my needs, for sure. But it's on ME to make sure he knows what those needs are.

And as a bonus, telling people what you need empowers them to do the same back at you!

When we're in close quarters with our family, it's easy to become reactive, hurt, frustrated. Try practicing sharing what you need in a kind way, and trusting your partner, children, and anyone else you are sharing your space with to understand and support you!

Sick Days Two Ways

Most of us wait until we’re severely under the weather to finally break down and call in sick. And there are lots of reasons why. We feel obligated to do the work. We rely on the money to support our families. We identify as the over-achiever who never takes sick days. 

Whatever the reason is, it’s almost never a good idea.

A better idea is to take a sick day as soon as you start to feel something off. That tickle at the back of your throat?

The achy back and neck?

The sneezes when you never usually sneeze?

That’s your cue. 

Step one is starting to notice when your body is not acting normal, or when it seems like it might be fighting off an infection. This is a skill you can build and cultivate with a meditation practice. 

Step two is to take a sick day or two and devote yourself to rest while your body fights off that infection. This is a much better idea because a) you can still get tons of rest and be fairly productive. Sure, you might not be at work, but you can read, call some friends, and still get your chores done around the house while you rest. And b) you are not passing your germs on to all the unsuspecting people you’ve convinced that you “just have allergies”, some of whom may have small children or compromised immune systems. 

Now, because I know not all of us have access to paid sick days (Thanks, America!) I’ve designed two sick-day options. One for those who can call in sick, and one for those who really really can’t. 

Option 1: Use Your Damn Sick Days. 

Not everyone gets these, so you may as well count your blessings and use every last one you can get your hands on. I don’t care if your office is understaffed. That’s the boss’s fault, not yours (If you are the boss, it is your fault, but you should stay home anyway). Call in first thing in the morning. Say that you’re feeling sick and you’re going to take one of your sick days, and you’ll call in again with an update tomorrow if you’re still feeling ill. You don’t have to offer any details, and technically it is illegal for them to ask unless you’re out more than three days in a row. However, I’ve found my supervisors generally understand when I tell them I’m worried I’m coming down with something and don’t want to risk the rest of the staff getting sick. 

Once you’ve called in, clear your whole schedule. Anything that’s not 100% necessary goes. That includes workouts, plans with friends, and volunteer work or second jobs. 

Then dedicate your day to getting better. Take lots of naps. Eat vegetables (veggie soups are my favorite when I’m feeling sick) and fruits. Drink tea and lots of water. Take baths. Watch your favorite movie, then fall asleep halfway through. If you feel stir crazy, do some gentle yoga or take a walk. If you have small kids or pets at home, consider splurging on a babysitter or pet sitter for an hour or two so you can really relax. 

I know it seems extravagant, but at the most, it should take two or three days to feel back to normal. For me, one full day will normally do the trick. 

Option 2: Be a C+ Employee

This one is for you if you don’t have paid sick leave and you’re not able to call in sick or have someone cover for you because you honestly need every single paycheck. 

In that case, I’m guessing you generally work very, very hard. You probably pick up slack at work for a lot of other people, maybe even for your boss. You’re the A+ employee. And you like it that way. 

But if you’re the A+ employee then I know from experience you can look around your workplace and find tons of evidence that B+ or C+ employees still get paid, and don’t often get fired.

So, here’s your “sick day” plan:

Be the C+ employee today. 

Show up on time, but there’s no need to smile and act like everything is ok. Take as many breaks as you can, and constantly go back for more tea from the break room. If you work with customer service, don’t be rude, but don’t go out of your way to be nice either. Sanitize everything. Does someone lean on your counter? Sanitize it. Does someone shake your hand? Hand sanitizer. Keep the new germs away! If you use a shared workspace, sanitize it once more before you leave for the day. 

Tell your coworkers and anyone else who asks that you feel sick. If you’re lucky, they’ll tell you to go home. If not, at least they know why you’re acting a bit sluggish. Do your best not to handle food or touch anything that might end up near someone’s mouth. 

As soon as your shift is over? Go home and nap. 

Cancel all your other plans, with family friends or other organizations. Call in favors to have people walk your dogs or watch your kids. 

This one doesn’t always work as well, but sometimes being the lazy one at work can be just as relaxing as staying home! 

Both of these options feel really weird and hard at first, I know. But once you try it out, and you see for yourself how it keeps you from getting sick, I know you’ll convert to team sick day forever!

This is, I firmly believe, the reason I’m only ever “sick” for one or two days at a time, while my husband will get knocked out for a week or more with the same illness. True, I act like I’m on my deathbed for the duration of my “sick” days, but I get better faster than my husband who tries to keep working through the whole thing and ends up feeling sick for much much longer. 

*Bonus tip* 

If you try option A or option B and you get a lot of flack from your boss, consider starting your job search as soon as you get well. Work on finding a job at an organization that understands humans get sick, and is ready to support you when you are.