"You look a lot more like yourself today".

That's what my husband said to me on the third day of training for my part-time job. I agreed with him. I can't remember what I was wearing, exactly, but I remember thinking I never could have worn it to my job at the university.

Figuring out what to wear to work has been a daily struggle for me for most of the last ten years. When I started graduate school in August 2010 I was expected to dress professionally while I was working in my assistantship position. It was a huge shift for me coming from college, where my wardrobe was almost exclusively jeans and tee-shirts. Frustratingly, the rules about what you can and should wear to work are somewhat of a minefield for young women. In education, it might be even worse.

You can't dress too professional (think suits with jackets) because students won't find you relatable and won't believe you understand them. You can't dress too casually or students will think you are too relatable and parents will mistake you for a student yourself. You should "dress for the job you want" but also be able to walk comfortably across 3 miles of hot, Florida sunshine to make your presentation at the orientation session across campus.

It was all a bit too much. Most days I settled on some sort of slacks and blouse combination, but I always felt like I was wearing a costume or a uniform. The first thing I wanted to do when I arrived home was change out of my work clothes and into something that felt like me.

Now I'm not about to recommend my solution (quitting your job and working from home) to everyone. But, I think I would have been happier if I could have sensed what this meant earlier in my life.

You see, for me, it wasn't just about the clothes. The clothes were just a symptom of me feeling like I wasn't sure who I was supposed to be in my job. Somewhere in the middle of all the conflicting expectations (professional but approachable, modest but attractive, easygoing but buttoned-up) I lost sight of who I actually was and started putting on my best impression of who I thought I was supposed to be.

After trying out several methods of revamping my work wardrobe (including a work-uniform inspired by Matilda Kahl) and experiencing various levels of success, I found one that I really enjoyed. The Curated Closet by Anuschka Rees was the most helpful book about women's fashion I have ever read! It helped me chuck the cycle of purging and spending in favor of designing my own look and vision for my wardrobe. It helped me put together a wardrobe that felt right to me.

Even at the end of that, however, I was stuck with the reality that my personal style didn't fit at all into my workplace. I spent most of my waking hours in my "office clothes" and left all the clothes I really loved unworn sitting in my closet waiting for a day when I could really dress as myself.

For me, and I think for many women, the clothes we wear are a statement about our identity. Our clothes are a projection of the kind of person we want to be. Maybe it should have been a clue that the person I wanted to be wasn't a person that could fit into my chosen career path?

Now I'm working for myself and also doing some hours part time at a local business. And I get to wear whatever I like.

"You look a lot more like yourself today."

Thanks.

I feel a lot more like myself today, too.